January in Vermont

January in Vermont. Not so bad – a few 14” + blizzards (which are blessedly accompanied by office snow days), but mostly blue skies, crisp days (if you call -23 degrees crisp), and a FABULOUS weekend in NYC with my friend, NaLee. All in all, no complaints. So, on a cloudless Saturday night, after stacking the additional 1 of 2 cords of wood we bought to tide us over til Spring (the other load arrives tomorrow – ah, my aching arms), I find myself blogging while drinking wine and watching, for 547th time, Helen Hunt looking fabulous and Mel Gibson being obnoxious in “What Women Want.”

Januarys are tough for me – I reflect, I grade my year, I set goals, and I become irritated with myself and others over the goals I (we) did not accomplish in the previous year. That’s why I usually go to Mexico or Belize in February/March. I need it to break the irritation flow. And I come back relaxed, tanned, and ready to take on the rest of the year.

So we’ll see if it happens this year. Daddy had a health “issue” in November where we (he) (his doc) were concerned about problems with his hearing/ringing in his left ear – and the word “tumor” freaked us (me) all out. But having had the MRI this month, we now know it is not a tumor, he has no tumors in his head (whew) – but the problem isn’t gone. He has a 6 month check in. So not exactly the relief we were hoping for – but also not a “grab-a-flight-and-head-back-to-Michigan” crisis. So Belize is off for 2009 but I’m hoping Mexico will still be an option for me if I can find a “deal” (preferably $500/7 days at a lovely beachside resort).

So back to my irritation… We really have knocked it out of the park at work, but of course I fixate on the issues we coulda, shoulda made progress in and didn’t. We doubled the # of foster families, increased our adoptions by 50% (from 2 to 3 – HUGE by small town New England standards), and substantially improved the timeliness of several documents that are tracked by our Corporate office. We have increased the # of kids in our program from 24 to 34 and no one has quit, no one has been fired, and despite the economy and the fact that our endowment (which generates 100% of our operating budget) lost $1 billion of it’s $3 billion fund, we’re all still employed, getting 4.6% raises, and got 4-figure bonuses in December. But the whole “we’re-into-the-organic-process” type of social work practice sometimes butts heads with my “results-take-no-prisoners-outcome focus within the context of valuing relationships and building on them” of mine. Old habits are hard to break. That moving forward, moving on, what’s next, “bring it on,” “I can it” law firm/fundraising/large corporate non profit mentality brings varying amounts of satisfaction, frustration, and stress to both them and me. I thought Bethany people talked things to death! Not compared to this. This breed of Vermonter-turned-social-worker can TALK and talk and talk. Yet they still claim to be valuing my “fresh outside perspective,” and I keep trying to be patient, not judge, and resist my compulsion to knock their caseloads up and up and up. It is Vermont after all – population 630,000. Smaller than GR. Like 1/20th of Tokyo. Three adoptions for the whole state is probably pretty good.

So, what else have I been reflecting on besides the sorry state of my 2008 accomplishment roster? Well, of course, there is the inauguration. I was fortunate to be in NYC for a long weekend which ended the day of the festivities in DC. All weekend, the buzz in restaurants, diners, and Korean spas were hope-change –action, Obama, Obama, Obama. It was fun to be in the city for that, cozy in my Upper West Side Boutique hotel, drinking wine with my friend and glad we weren’t fighting crowds and cold outside in DC. On the day itself, I was not torn between going to Times Square with the masses and having the whole thing on NPR to myself in my car. I easily chose the car, and listened to the event, unencumbered by network chatter, from the streets of Koreatown NYC (AKA Flushing). It was a peaceful, concentrative (is that a word?), moment of reverence. And my first image of the whole thing when I got home was of the President and First Lady dancing to “At Last” at one of the balls. I highly recommend NPR as a way of participating in this type of event. It really enables you to focus on the words and moment, as opposed to the commentary and wardrobe choices.

So I’m also considerably reflective about that I have been gone nearly a year – 10 months and counting. Wow. It has flown. And while I am currently having some Michigander-itis (ie: missing specific persons who are Michiganders), I am generally in awe that it has gone by so quickly. It still feels like an extended vacation of sorts, only one where I brought all of my wardrobe, not just 2-3 suitcases full. Frequent phone and e-contact helps CONSIDERABLY so keep callin’, emailing’ and visitin’ (smile).

So on to the juicy stuff that most people REALLY want to know:
Dating Life – Sporadic and not unlike GR. Except some of the men here appear to have truly come to Vermont to hibernate from life, as opposed to coming here to live. Some haven’t tended to their facial hair growth in a while, but their myspace pages are among the most elaborate I have ever seen. They wonder out loud where snow truck drivers in cities like NYC “put all that snow” and wear really dusty corduroy blazers when they dress up to meet me for dinner or a drink. And they are mystified that I actually find it fun to drive to NYC and have a car in the city. So I am having to re-think some standards – like the no pick-up truck standard. And the no snowmobiler standard. The “some-facial-hair-is-ok-as-long-as-it’s-well-groomed” standard It’s just an impossibility here. That said, I have met a veterinarian, a not-so-bad-looking sales person, a former resort owner, an HR benefits consultant, and a teacher – none of whom wow’d me, but most of whom were worthy of shot at a 2nd or 3rd date if the spirit so moved us. To date, we aren’t much beyond that. It’s like interviewing at the firm – move ‘em along and move ‘em on. Back-to-back 20 minute interviews with the understanding that (he and) I do really know in the first 20 seconds whether or not this is going to work. Probably not that sexy, but such is life as a 40-something year old dating in rural Vermont.
Social Scene / Work - Life Balance – Much to my distress, I appear to have taken my self with me to Vermont. I failed to shed a single flaw or fault on my 15 hour drive here. I continue to work too much, make work too important (and thus, become rather intense about it at times), and appear unable to still “play” in my home community (flashback to GR where, once in adulthood, I spent an average of 1-2 weekends away per month to play). It’s not a GR thing – it’s a Mary thing, a pattern. Sigh. So that is a work-in-progress. Yes, I go to movies. Yes, I go to concerts and dinners out. But I don’t truly “relax” and maintain balance unless I’m elsewhere, despite the quiet, pastoral, picturesque setting I am in. So what did I do today? On a lovely, balmy, 30+ degree Saturday? I turned down social invitations and flipped open my laptop and LAUNCHED the promotion of a new Professionals of Color Group within the upper valley. I wrote press releases, emailed promos to HR directors at Dartmouth and throughout the valley, put it on social websites, and sent it to several fabulous people in and around my Vermont world. THEN, I sent emails offering to assist friends in other local non profits with fundraising and scoured the paper for volunteer opportunities where I may be “needed.” That is my dilemma – to balance the compulsion to propel myself into situations where I’m convinced I’m needed with actually constructing a life with balance and harmony, satisfying solo time, and a nice smattering of meaningful, fun, dopamine-enhancing social opportunities.

Critter Report – NONE to date. I know, I know, I am rapidly losing all credibility as a brave adventurer of the world and critter – reporter. But really, there are critters here and they are all just hiding, waiting for JUST the right time. I have brave moments, where I actually consider walking down my road without a large stick or walking along the river without weaponry– and then BAM – I’ll read an article in the newspaper about a rabid fox entering a garage and attacking a 5 year old. And I’m literally and figuratively diving back under the covers and continuing to convince myself that I can appreciate the beauty of this setting from my car or home just as easily as I could from the foot path or mountain top. The diversity of animal tracks in the snow outside my bedroom deck are a clear indication that animals large and small do roam the forests of Quechee, VT – and so I am still afraid. My friend Claudia, another Michigan transplant who works with me, is Buddhist and does a really good job at not living in fear. We talk about it often because people here snow shoe to work. They cross country ski to work. It’s just so “other” worldly to me. Prolonged outdoor activities in the snow, in the midst of animal kingdoms, with no vehicle-encased back up plan within easy reach. Unbelievable. So yes, she’s scared of bears too, but does it anyway. Wow. If that’s Buddhism, I need to really look long and hard at becoming Buddhist if I stay here.
So what else? I found good Mexican food in the valley. This local restaurant has a chicken chimichanga smothered in tomatillo sauce that is out-of-this-world. It’s my new Sunday noon /after church spot. Matt Dillon, the actor, got a ticket last month for going 100+ mph on a 55 mph highway in Vermont. So that’s 3 reports of celebrity sightings in Vermont in the last year (Laura Bush and Tyra Banks were the other two, in case you forgot). Also, New England school children get a February break from school. It’s a ski season thing. So they get a week plus at Christmas, a spring break in March/April, AND a February weeklong ski break. They were surprised to hear that I had never heard of such a thing.

I have fallen in love with driving on the Hudson River and Hutchinson River Parkways in NYC. They are lovely, curvy, picturesque drives. I am now, for the first time ever, a real fan of the big apple.

I’ve also discovered how to reduce the ice/snow clumping on your windshield wipers. I arrived at work one morning last month and thought our parking lot had been hit by car vandals because all of these cars had their windshield wipers sticking straight up. It was so bizarre. But low and behold, that’s a Vermont thing. If snow is predicted, one turns the car off when the wipers are mid-swipe, and then you angle them perpendicular to the windshield so they don’t stick to the windshield. I’ve done it once. I’m so proud. I feel like a Vermonter. (That’s ok, go ahead and laugh. People here laugh at me too, but it’s really more a laughing WITH, not laughing AT, they say).

As well, in addition to hearing regular conversations laced with words like yankee and pilgrim, I hear fascinating conversations about “the constitutionality” of things, something I have really not ever questioned or had to debate. For example, I was at the Hartford Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition meeting last week. A handful of community folks from schools, police, health care, and social services talking about how to address the issue of binge drinking among adolescents. And they got into a huge debate about the constitutionality of roadblocks which check for drunk drivers and MIP (Minors in possession of alcohol). Apparently, in Vermont, the police can only set up roadblocks on roads where there is ample room for a turn around so that drivers that choose not to be stopped by the roadblock, can turn around before the roadblock and go elsewhere without penalty. It’s unconstitutional for Vermonters to have to cooperate at a drinking/driving roadblock check if they don’t want to. REALLY. I think I should study this Vermont law thing. They have some unusual ones that they are really proud of. Do you know they have their own military reserve? Not just a military reserve like we have in Michigan that is part of the national one. THEIR OWN. In case they need to defend the state of Vermont.

So don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Vermont. I’m just still acclimating and alternate between being fascinated, thrilled, and amused/bemused. And apparently, you don’t get to “be” a Vermonter until your family has been here 7 generations. So given at 42, I’m post menopausal with no children, I’m pretty much out of luck at ever being a Vermonter. So I think I’ll move to Maine next. I really like Maine. I miss it having not been there since September. I want to be a Mainer in the next chapter of my life and eat lobster and wear yellow slickers with soft navy linings. In heels of course. I even have high heel yellow flip flops that would go just SO GO with that coat.

So that’s the news from Vermont, where the transracially adopted women are all good looking and the quaintness quotient of the villages is above average. Have a fabulous, FABULOUS start of 2009 and we’ll chat with you later.

Love,

Marilee