January in Vermont. Not so bad – a few 14” + blizzards (which are blessedly accompanied by office snow days), but mostly blue skies, crisp days (if you call -23 degrees crisp), and a FABULOUS weekend in NYC with my friend, NaLee. All in all, no complaints. So, on a cloudless Saturday night, after stacking the additional 1 of 2 cords of wood we bought to tide us over til Spring (the other load arrives tomorrow – ah, my aching arms), I find myself blogging while drinking wine and watching, for 547th time, Helen Hunt looking fabulous and Mel Gibson being obnoxious in “What Women Want.”
Januarys are tough for me – I reflect, I grade my year, I set goals, and I become irritated with myself and others over the goals I (we) did not accomplish in the previous year. That’s why I usually go to Mexico or Belize in February/March. I need it to break the irritation flow. And I come back relaxed, tanned, and ready to take on the rest of the year.
So we’ll see if it happens this year. Daddy had a health “issue” in November where we (he) (his doc) were concerned about problems with his hearing/ringing in his left ear – and the word “tumor” freaked us (me) all out. But having had the MRI this month, we now know it is not a tumor, he has no tumors in his head (whew) – but the problem isn’t gone. He has a 6 month check in. So not exactly the relief we were hoping for – but also not a “grab-a-flight-and-head-back-to-Michigan” crisis. So Belize is off for 2009 but I’m hoping Mexico will still be an option for me if I can find a “deal” (preferably $500/7 days at a lovely beachside resort).
So back to my irritation… We really have knocked it out of the park at work, but of course I fixate on the issues we coulda, shoulda made progress in and didn’t. We doubled the # of foster families, increased our adoptions by 50% (from 2 to 3 – HUGE by small town New England standards), and substantially improved the timeliness of several documents that are tracked by our Corporate office. We have increased the # of kids in our program from 24 to 34 and no one has quit, no one has been fired, and despite the economy and the fact that our endowment (which generates 100% of our operating budget) lost $1 billion of it’s $3 billion fund, we’re all still employed, getting 4.6% raises, and got 4-figure bonuses in December. But the whole “we’re-into-the-organic-process” type of social work practice sometimes butts heads with my “results-take-no-prisoners-outcome focus within the context of valuing relationships and building on them” of mine. Old habits are hard to break. That moving forward, moving on, what’s next, “bring it on,” “I can it” law firm/fundraising/large corporate non profit mentality brings varying amounts of satisfaction, frustration, and stress to both them and me. I thought Bethany people talked things to death! Not compared to this. This breed of Vermonter-turned-social-worker can TALK and talk and talk. Yet they still claim to be valuing my “fresh outside perspective,” and I keep trying to be patient, not judge, and resist my compulsion to knock their caseloads up and up and up. It is Vermont after all – population 630,000. Smaller than GR. Like 1/20th of Tokyo. Three adoptions for the whole state is probably pretty good.
So, what else have I been reflecting on besides the sorry state of my 2008 accomplishment roster? Well, of course, there is the inauguration. I was fortunate to be in NYC for a long weekend which ended the day of the festivities in DC. All weekend, the buzz in restaurants, diners, and Korean spas were hope-change –action, Obama, Obama, Obama. It was fun to be in the city for that, cozy in my Upper West Side Boutique hotel, drinking wine with my friend and glad we weren’t fighting crowds and cold outside in DC. On the day itself, I was not torn between going to Times Square with the masses and having the whole thing on NPR to myself in my car. I easily chose the car, and listened to the event, unencumbered by network chatter, from the streets of Koreatown NYC (AKA Flushing). It was a peaceful, concentrative (is that a word?), moment of reverence. And my first image of the whole thing when I got home was of the President and First Lady dancing to “At Last” at one of the balls. I highly recommend NPR as a way of participating in this type of event. It really enables you to focus on the words and moment, as opposed to the commentary and wardrobe choices.
So I’m also considerably reflective about that I have been gone nearly a year – 10 months and counting. Wow. It has flown. And while I am currently having some Michigander-itis (ie: missing specific persons who are Michiganders), I am generally in awe that it has gone by so quickly. It still feels like an extended vacation of sorts, only one where I brought all of my wardrobe, not just 2-3 suitcases full. Frequent phone and e-contact helps CONSIDERABLY so keep callin’, emailing’ and visitin’ (smile).
So on to the juicy stuff that most people REALLY want to know:
Dating Life – Sporadic and not unlike GR. Except some of the men here appear to have truly come to Vermont to hibernate from life, as opposed to coming here to live. Some haven’t tended to their facial hair growth in a while, but their myspace pages are among the most elaborate I have ever seen. They wonder out loud where snow truck drivers in cities like NYC “put all that snow” and wear really dusty corduroy blazers when they dress up to meet me for dinner or a drink. And they are mystified that I actually find it fun to drive to NYC and have a car in the city. So I am having to re-think some standards – like the no pick-up truck standard. And the no snowmobiler standard. The “some-facial-hair-is-ok-as-long-as-it’s-well-groomed” standard It’s just an impossibility here. That said, I have met a veterinarian, a not-so-bad-looking sales person, a former resort owner, an HR benefits consultant, and a teacher – none of whom wow’d me, but most of whom were worthy of shot at a 2nd or 3rd date if the spirit so moved us. To date, we aren’t much beyond that. It’s like interviewing at the firm – move ‘em along and move ‘em on. Back-to-back 20 minute interviews with the understanding that (he and) I do really know in the first 20 seconds whether or not this is going to work. Probably not that sexy, but such is life as a 40-something year old dating in rural Vermont.
Social Scene / Work - Life Balance – Much to my distress, I appear to have taken my self with me to Vermont. I failed to shed a single flaw or fault on my 15 hour drive here. I continue to work too much, make work too important (and thus, become rather intense about it at times), and appear unable to still “play” in my home community (flashback to GR where, once in adulthood, I spent an average of 1-2 weekends away per month to play). It’s not a GR thing – it’s a Mary thing, a pattern. Sigh. So that is a work-in-progress. Yes, I go to movies. Yes, I go to concerts and dinners out. But I don’t truly “relax” and maintain balance unless I’m elsewhere, despite the quiet, pastoral, picturesque setting I am in. So what did I do today? On a lovely, balmy, 30+ degree Saturday? I turned down social invitations and flipped open my laptop and LAUNCHED the promotion of a new Professionals of Color Group within the upper valley. I wrote press releases, emailed promos to HR directors at Dartmouth and throughout the valley, put it on social websites, and sent it to several fabulous people in and around my Vermont world. THEN, I sent emails offering to assist friends in other local non profits with fundraising and scoured the paper for volunteer opportunities where I may be “needed.” That is my dilemma – to balance the compulsion to propel myself into situations where I’m convinced I’m needed with actually constructing a life with balance and harmony, satisfying solo time, and a nice smattering of meaningful, fun, dopamine-enhancing social opportunities.
Critter Report – NONE to date. I know, I know, I am rapidly losing all credibility as a brave adventurer of the world and critter – reporter. But really, there are critters here and they are all just hiding, waiting for JUST the right time. I have brave moments, where I actually consider walking down my road without a large stick or walking along the river without weaponry– and then BAM – I’ll read an article in the newspaper about a rabid fox entering a garage and attacking a 5 year old. And I’m literally and figuratively diving back under the covers and continuing to convince myself that I can appreciate the beauty of this setting from my car or home just as easily as I could from the foot path or mountain top. The diversity of animal tracks in the snow outside my bedroom deck are a clear indication that animals large and small do roam the forests of Quechee, VT – and so I am still afraid. My friend Claudia, another Michigan transplant who works with me, is Buddhist and does a really good job at not living in fear. We talk about it often because people here snow shoe to work. They cross country ski to work. It’s just so “other” worldly to me. Prolonged outdoor activities in the snow, in the midst of animal kingdoms, with no vehicle-encased back up plan within easy reach. Unbelievable. So yes, she’s scared of bears too, but does it anyway. Wow. If that’s Buddhism, I need to really look long and hard at becoming Buddhist if I stay here.
So what else? I found good Mexican food in the valley. This local restaurant has a chicken chimichanga smothered in tomatillo sauce that is out-of-this-world. It’s my new Sunday noon /after church spot. Matt Dillon, the actor, got a ticket last month for going 100+ mph on a 55 mph highway in Vermont. So that’s 3 reports of celebrity sightings in Vermont in the last year (Laura Bush and Tyra Banks were the other two, in case you forgot). Also, New England school children get a February break from school. It’s a ski season thing. So they get a week plus at Christmas, a spring break in March/April, AND a February weeklong ski break. They were surprised to hear that I had never heard of such a thing.
I have fallen in love with driving on the Hudson River and Hutchinson River Parkways in NYC. They are lovely, curvy, picturesque drives. I am now, for the first time ever, a real fan of the big apple.
I’ve also discovered how to reduce the ice/snow clumping on your windshield wipers. I arrived at work one morning last month and thought our parking lot had been hit by car vandals because all of these cars had their windshield wipers sticking straight up. It was so bizarre. But low and behold, that’s a Vermont thing. If snow is predicted, one turns the car off when the wipers are mid-swipe, and then you angle them perpendicular to the windshield so they don’t stick to the windshield. I’ve done it once. I’m so proud. I feel like a Vermonter. (That’s ok, go ahead and laugh. People here laugh at me too, but it’s really more a laughing WITH, not laughing AT, they say).
As well, in addition to hearing regular conversations laced with words like yankee and pilgrim, I hear fascinating conversations about “the constitutionality” of things, something I have really not ever questioned or had to debate. For example, I was at the Hartford Substance Abuse Prevention Coalition meeting last week. A handful of community folks from schools, police, health care, and social services talking about how to address the issue of binge drinking among adolescents. And they got into a huge debate about the constitutionality of roadblocks which check for drunk drivers and MIP (Minors in possession of alcohol). Apparently, in Vermont, the police can only set up roadblocks on roads where there is ample room for a turn around so that drivers that choose not to be stopped by the roadblock, can turn around before the roadblock and go elsewhere without penalty. It’s unconstitutional for Vermonters to have to cooperate at a drinking/driving roadblock check if they don’t want to. REALLY. I think I should study this Vermont law thing. They have some unusual ones that they are really proud of. Do you know they have their own military reserve? Not just a military reserve like we have in Michigan that is part of the national one. THEIR OWN. In case they need to defend the state of Vermont.
So don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Vermont. I’m just still acclimating and alternate between being fascinated, thrilled, and amused/bemused. And apparently, you don’t get to “be” a Vermonter until your family has been here 7 generations. So given at 42, I’m post menopausal with no children, I’m pretty much out of luck at ever being a Vermonter. So I think I’ll move to Maine next. I really like Maine. I miss it having not been there since September. I want to be a Mainer in the next chapter of my life and eat lobster and wear yellow slickers with soft navy linings. In heels of course. I even have high heel yellow flip flops that would go just SO GO with that coat.
So that’s the news from Vermont, where the transracially adopted women are all good looking and the quaintness quotient of the villages is above average. Have a fabulous, FABULOUS start of 2009 and we’ll chat with you later.
Love,
Marilee
Monday, February 2, 2009
Saturday, December 27, 2008
Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
I cannot believe it has been 3 months since I last posted. It has been a busy fall, clearly. We'll start with the holiday and work our way backward.
Aunt Edna, Knighten, and Nancy drove up from New York to join me for Christmas last Tuesday. We ate magnificent food, that included a spectacular dinner that Knighten made for us Christmas eve (and he graciously accommodated my housemates who decided to join us at the last minute - with guests, making our dinner for 4 now a dinner for 8), dinner at Simon Pearce (the lovely restaurant that hosted Laura Bush and Tyra Banks this Summer and is overlooking the Quechee covered bridge and water fall), egg nog, wine, and the NY Times in front of the woodstove, and shopping in Woodstock (Ladies' Home Journal named Woodstock, Vermont as the prettiest small town in the USA, and National Geographic concurred, and described it as one of the ten most beautiful small towns in the USA. The American Architectural Society went one step further and stated: "it is perfect - if any town in any country can be."). My housemates said it was their best Christmas EVER! And it was lovely to have family here for my first Christmas in Vermont.
Interestingly, Woodstock was just named in the Top Ten Places to Spend Christmas in the US! (http://www.americasbestonline.net/index.php/pages/bestchristmastowns.html). Kennebunkport, ME (one of my new favorite summer spots) and Mackinac Island (a Michigan favorite) also made the list! So I hope these travel nuggets nudge some more of you in my direction sometime soon! And if that's not enough, here's another tasty tidbit:
Every morning I have coffee and read the newspaper at the Farmers Diner in Quechee. It's a quaint little spot which features locally grown food and is partially housed in a railroad car. This morning, as I was having a lazy, late morning coffee and spinach/blue cheese/scallion omelet, a photographer from GQ Magazine was there taking photos for an upcoming feature! So GQ readers, watch for me in the background of the shot! I am at the counter in a grey sweater, brown books, and navy dress. According to the waitstaff, Farmers Diner is also featured in the January 2009 issue of Bon Appetit (see link: http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2009/01/a_chefs_breakfast ). Fun, eh?
Early December found me in Michigan, for Sally's 40th birthday and the joint celebrations of Julia's birthday, Joshua's birthday, Brian's birthday, and my birthday. I had a great time running around visiting friends and family and catching up with everyone. Highlights included: family dinner at Shogun, going to Alex's Christian High B-ball game, taking my 4 nieces and nephews shopping for their Christmas presents, breakfast with daddy at Brandywine, Pam hosting a party for me at her house, massage by Judit, birthday lunch with bethany folks, taking Brian, Sally and the kids to Chophouse for her birthday dinner, wine with Kimberly, drinks with Cheryl/Kimmie, cafe mocha with Felicia and Daniel, lunch @ John and Hazels, Osta's takeout with Clarice, and much much more. It's amazing what you can pack into a week when you need to!
The November highlights, besides the election of our new fantastic President, Thanksgiving in NYC at a Korean spa (with a bazillion other Koreans); a weeklong trip to Sighisoara Romania to see my friend Elena and lead 2 seminars for Veritas, a social service agency; a fantabulous gospel concert @ Dartmouth; and my boss telling me that I "work harder than anyone she has ever met" (which cannot be true, but it's nice to know she does notice my efforts.). I do work alot, but not in any outrageous amounts I don't think. The Sighisoara trip blog is located below - yes, I know it is far overdue, but it is here for those of you who are interested.
October was a lovely month. Fall colors and all that. Vermont is truly lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed "experiencing the season." Daddy came for another visit and we visited Fort Ticonderoga in upstate NY (on Lake Champlain), a Shaker museum/farm in New Hampshire, the White Mountains, and otherwise just hung out and read and enjoyed strawberry shortcake and other yummy goodies.
In September, I went to an Ethics training on the southern coast of Maine (I DO love the ocean), had several trips to New Haven CT to continue my orientation to the agency, and joined 30 of our foster parents in Boston for the agency 2-day foster parent conference.
So that's about it! No critter sightings, haven't gotten my car stuck in Vermont mud again, and am otherwise doing pretty well for 9 months into this major life move.
So what's coming up for me in 2009? A few things:
*Trip with Dad to Belize in February or March 2009. This is my 3rd time, his 4th. This year, in addition to snorkeling, we're adding scuba diving and zip lining to the itinerary.
*Consulting on a screenplay for a film about a korean adoptee who returns to Korea with her American adoptive mother. A local film writer (nora jacobson, Off The Grid Productions, http://www.offthegridproductions.com/ ) lives here and heard about me and gave me a copy of her screenplay. I have been asked to give input and may join a reading of the script, playing the part of the rebellious 17 year old adoptee. This is her 4th film.
*Trip to Vegas to join Amy and Mike and crew for their annual Vegas extravaganza (and hopefully a trip to Florida to see their new home!)
*A long weekend in January in NYC with my friend NaLee, who just moved to DC.
*Hosting Paul, Deb, Tony, and Jennifer when they come visit this summer for a week.
And that's about it!
I hope you and yours are well, warm, safe, and dry this wet, rainy day. It's supposed to be 50 degrees here in Vermont tomorrow and from what I hear, the rest of the nation is experiencing the same schizo-weather of unseasonably warm days, then snowy freezing days, then freezing rain, then snow (even in Vegas), then wicked warm again. I love you and hope to talk to you soon.
Marilee
(Romania Trip blog below)
Romania Trip 2008
On Monday, October 27, I flew out of Boston Logan for my long awaited trip to Sighisoara Romania. After a chilly, rainy, windy, cloudy 11 hour layover in Paris France (which consisted of a lot of espresso on plastic-draped sidewalk cafes, a lot of “So there’s the Eiffel Tower, Arc d’Trumphe, etc… ok, now some chocolate… ok, the Louvre… ok, how about a croissant and an umbrella…” (sigh, and me subsisting on only 3 hours sleep on the redeye), I landed in Bucharest Tuesday evening and was greeted at the airport by my friend Elena and her husband, Valer (Vah-lair). We were about to embark on a week long visit at their home in Sighisoara, with me knowing no Romanian except (Bine, phonetically BEE-nay = good) and them knowing little english (or in Valer’s case, no english). For those of you who may remember, Elena was in Michigan last fall to be with her only child, Ani, a 26 year old Kuyper college student, as Ani fought, and ultimately lost, her battle with ovarian cancer. Because Elena and I have kept in touch via periodic text messaging and monthly phone calls via translators, I had promised to come see her. And I wanted to see her before the first anniversary of Ani’s death on November 21, 2008.
Elena and Vali live in a very clean, cozy, efficient, 2-bedroom / 1 bath, ground floor apt on the east side of Sighisoara. The apt is in a 5-story cement “block” building in a large complex, not unlike those cement block buildings found in Seoul, Bucharest, and other large cities. Although their area of the city is pretty modern, Sighisoara was founded in 1280 AD and has at it’s center, a large section of the old walled city with cobblestone streets, citadels, and TONS and TONs of character. Sighi has 32,000 residents who are of primarily Hungarian, Romanian, and Roma (Gypsy) descent.
Having arrived at their home late at night, we stayed up chatting abit and had a yummy late dinner of Sarmali, Romanian cabbage rolls. We all slept in on Wednesday. After lunch (fried chicken and mashed potatoes), Roberta, a Nazarene Minister who came to her post in Romania from Arkansas in her early 50s, picked Valer and me up in her car and gave me a driving tour of the city and Veritas, the social service ministry that Ani had volunteered at and the one I would be leading 2 seminars for. Roberta has been a strong support person to Elena and she shares a home with Dorothy Tarrant, the Executive Director of Veritas, within the old city area of Sighisoara. Veritas maintains offices within 3 locations of the city. One serves as a family center and hosts meals for homeless and low income Roma kids, families, and the elderly and group activities; the other has offices for social work staff who work in their domestic violence program, children’s services, and elderly services; and the third has an international café (whose profits go to Veritas); classrooms for a Romania Studies program; and administrative offices. Veritas has about 30 staff and numerous volunteers and is the site of the first Domestic Violence program in the country, which was founded under a USAID grant shared by Veritas and Cornerstone University. The grant was spearheaded by my friend, Pammy. When domestic violence was finally outlawed in Romania (early 2004?), Pam and Dorothy partnered to get some legal and social support services going. Pam also ran Bethany’s $8 million Romanian child welfare development program in Bucharest from 1998-2001.
So Veritas is a pretty big deal and far larger in scope and services than I originally thought. I met several of the staff who were going to be in my seminars and really was impressed with the warmth and commitment they have to the community and kids / families they serve.
Then we went to the cemetery. Elena goes to the cemetery regularly, but she prefers to go alone or with one of her girlfriends, so she did not join us. The cemetery is visible from about a block away from the house. The cemetery is divided into sections by religion: Orthodox, Christian, Catholic, etc. Those without a church affiliation are apparently buried in the Orthodox section as well. Ani’s headstone and crypt are the largest and most beautiful in the Christian section. It is made of grey/black granite and has a photo of her carved into the headstone as well. There are lots of flowers around her grave. Elena clearly maintains it very well. Elena had told me that Ani’s grave cost them $3,000 American so Valer had recently taken a short term lucrative work gig in Spain to enable them to pay for the headstone and crypt as they earn alittle over $400/month (Valer is a welder for the gas company, Elena used to work for a factory that made ceramic coffee mugs).
That evening, they took me to the store where they insisted I could pick out some food that I liked to eat. I picked out a small bag of pretzels and some yogurt. We had a nice dinner of sarmali again (my fav) and potatoes. After dinner, the evening flew as we sat at their kitchen table (Romanian-English Dictionary in hand) and caught up on the various people/events in our lives. Through heavy use of the dictionary, gestures, some semblance of charades, and, when needed, drawing on paper with pens, we managed to communicate and they learned I now live in a padura (forest) in Vermont (state by Boston) in a rental house (casa) with 3 bathrooms and bears near by and I work with children (copile) who need families (mama and tata). I learned they hate George Bush, have Discovery Channel on their tv, love Obama, and that they blame Bush for the American economic crisis. We had animated discussion, to say the least, and then, jetlagged, I begged off to go sleep in the guest room.
Thursday, I was roused early (7am) to get ready for my 3 hour presentation at Veritas. (Remind me never to schedule these “volunteer” presentations for before 10am while I’m on vacation…i- yi-yi!!!). So showered (their apt has great water pressure), but hair all askew, I gulped down my two cups of Romanian coffee (3.5 spoonfuls of unstrained grounds in a cup with boiling water – wicked strong) and was picked up by Dorothy to go do my “thang.” The session actually went well, albeit I hardly got a word in edgewise once they got talking. We talked abit first about my background, their roles, and then profiles of 4 actual kids on their caseloads for us to assess and develop plans/strategies for. Some of the staff are social workers working with at-risk, low income, Roma (Gypsy) children and families. Others are pre-school teachers or work with at-risk adolescents in groups. I provided them with a general outline for assessing an individual child and then we got into the meat of one of the cases. Using two interpreters, most of the staff and I were able to communicate (me saying “dah dah dah = yes yes yes OR no no no =no no no).” The time went by quickly and so as we wrapped up, I asked them to think of two strategies for the remaining 3 cases for us to discuss the next day. It’s especially challenging because Sighisoara (and most of Romania) does not have the community services we have in the states, nor do they have politia (police) and state officials who can be relied on for appropriate action. So it’s really grassroots, how to intervene with families and make a difference without a continuum of services available in the community. We were scheduled from 8am – 2pm on Friday and then they also wanted me to do a fundraising workshop for them on an additional day (Monday). After the session, Roberta brought me back to the house where Elena made a nice chicken and french fry lunch for me. Then we took a taxi into town and walked around, had cafea (coffee) at an outdoor café, visited another grocery store where they bought me Romanian wine, Russian vodka, and 3 grapefruits (yes, I felt terrible, they would not allow me to pay for anything), and went to the farmer’s market. Oh, and Elena bought me my own Romanian-English Dictionary. Then Valer had a doctor’s appt at the Sighisoara hospital so we walked over to the hospital campus. According to Elena, while there is some health insurance available to them, medical care can be denied unless you pay bribes to the doctor. The hospital is older, the buildings decrepit, and the patients look as if they are in a lot of pain. A friend of Elena’s came out of one of the buildings with her elderly mother, whose arm was in a cast. Elena later explained how painful the x-ray and casting process is as their equipment is very old and the expertise of the physicians is not good. The mother looked like she was in such pain. I felt awful for her and totally understood why Ani should not have come back to Romania to die. It would have been a more painful, horrible experience than it was in the states. It was sad to see that this was the only choice for 32,000 hard working Romanian citizens of Sighisoara.
Thursday night we went out to dinner to a local pizza joint. We had HUGE calzones with ham, cheese, and mushroom. They were yummy. On the walk back home, some neighborhood boys were picking on another boy in the street. They were chasing him and kicking him. Elena intervened and “got right on those boys,” which seemed to help for the moment. The kids couldn’t be older than 9 or 10 years old. I was proud of her for standing up for him and glad to see her take action. That evening, I showed them photos of my house and Vermont (courtesy of a photo CD from my friend Mary which arrived right before I left) and we looked at some of the videos of Ani on Ani’s computer. It was a pretty emotional evening. But it enabled us to finally talk. Elena remains convinced that the American medical system killed her daughter and that cancer didn’t kill her. She continues to not understand the hospice system, why the doctor never gave Ani an IV until the end when she was hospitalized, and believes that Ani starved to death. Painfully, she relayed that she had seen on a Discovery Channel tv show how an American was jailed after not feeding his dog for 3 days – and she doesn’t understand why no one went to jail after Ani died. She said that sometimes she forgets that Ani died and she thinks she is in America at school. But singing hymns and writing poems helps her. She sings solos of old Romanian hymns at church on Sunday and in her kitchen, in the early morning, when she can’t sleep. She writes, she reads the Bible, and she is trying to turn it over to God. But she is still grieving. Her support system includes Dorothy and Roberta, but also her (gypsy) friend Valerika, a woman who was recently widowed and lives in the building. They have coffee every day in Elena’s kitchen in the morning after Valer leaves for work. I also met her friend Elizabeth, a Hungarian friend who lives above her. Elizabeth and Valerika are two people she will allow to go to the cemetery with her. She has not been able to go to Veritas without pain, so she hasn’t been very involved there yet. What I didn’t know was that when Elena came to Michigan last fall to be with Ani, she and Valer had 2 american college students that they were hosting as part of the Romanian Studies program. She proudly showed me photos of them and talked about how much she cared for them. She and Valer also hosted a young man named Logan early this year. I encouraged her to host students again. It clearly brought a sparkle to her eyes and she and Valer seemed to love having a young person around. She said maybe.
Friday I roused early (again) for my last day at Veritas. I had decided with Roberta and Elena to squeeze my fundraising mini-seminar into the day on Friday so I could spend Monday, my last morning in Sighisoara, with Elena. Roberta picked me up and we arrived at the Veritas café in the old city for my last session. We had a half hour of devotions first and then the staff and I spent some time brainstorming and dissecting the last 3 cases. I tried to be helpful in helping them develop strategies to engage the parents and care providers. There was a lot of frustration expressed about the suspected neglectful or abusive nature of the parents and, yet, the reality is, most of the cases would not meet the criteria for removal. Yes, there is substance abuse, yes, the kids come to school hungry or stay up to late, and yes, there are the frequent household moves as parents without resources move from one relative’s home to another – but unless you approach the parents with compassion and treat them as partners, little may change. Staff acknowledged that when they confront parents, the parents then remove the kids from the program. So re-framing their work into “what approach will work best to engage these parents in providing better for their children?” became more of our focus. I provided them with a model of teaming and role played how effective group meetings can engage parents in the process. We talked a lot about using social work skills to motivate and engage parents, as opposed to challenging and blaming them. We then took a quick 15 minute break and then re-grouped for a 1.5 hour session on “basic fundraising” with a select group of staff. Because Dorothy, their Executive Director, is retiring at the end of 2009, Veritas staff are particularly anxious about the future of the organization, which is nearly 100% reliant on donations. The staff really loved the framework for fundraising and I worked hard to present a model which could whether you had 10 donors or 100 donors. Then I role modeled some “asks” and when one of the staff tried it herself, I responded by handing her $80US ($220 Romanian Lei) to emphasize my point (since Elena and Valer had not let me spend any money yet, that was my first expenditure). Then we broke for lunch and ate lunch at the family center, where the kids groups and homeless kids/families eat. We had really yummy meatballs, Romanian sauerkraut, potatoes, and bread. Then Roberta brought me home. Elena, Valer, and I chatted about my day and they complimented me on my growing mastery of the Romanian language. (I am phonetically impressionable so was mastering the Romanian phonetics fairly well, if I don’t say so myself). That evening, Roberta picked us up for dinner at her house. Roberta made a yummy dinner of pork chops, gravy, green beans, potatoes, biscuits, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The house she shared with Dorothy is a large, spacious, Victorian style-home within the original walled city. It overlooks the city and has a lovely little patio and yard. Elena and Valer particularly liked the biscuits and crystal light lemonade. Elena told stories, and Roberta translated for me, about the televangalists she is watching on Romanian tv. There have been numerous stories of people who have converted from Orthodoxy to Christianity. As someone who practiced her faith sporadically before Ani’s death (but is now devout), she has been particularly interested in these testimonies. After dinner, Roberta drove us home and Valer and Elena and I sat up late and talked about everything – Romanian culture, American culture, Vermont, Michigan, friends, family, Romanian grammar, American grammar, the American stock market and economy, what Korea is like, what Spain is like (Elena’s brother and sister live in Spain and she has visited them there), what life under communism was like, what life in a “young” democracy is like, what bears in Vermont eat, etc. We laughed and talked, and talked and laughed every day. It was nice to see her smile so much. Every now and then, if I complimented her, she would pause and deflect it or become tearful as if it reminded her of Ani. But there were definitely times when you could see the “spirit” of Elena and it was a wonderful thing.
On Saturday we took a taxi to the bus station and took the bus 30 miles away to Targu Mures (Tour-gah More-esh) to spend some time with Valer’s brother. Valer’s brother is a “patron,” in that he owns 4 homes in TM, has 1,000 sheep on his sheep farm, and his wife owns a thriving retail store (magazin). They have two boys age 18 and 24. En route, we saw Elena’s hometown and went by the house she born in. Once in Targu Mores, I thought we were going to the farm, but we actually met them at one of their apts. Both boys speak English so their parents wanted them to speak English with me. Valer’s brother is named Dorelle. His first question of me, after they introduced me as someone who lives in the forested country in Vermont (I distinctly heard “casa” which is house, “Vermont,” and “Padura” which is forest in the introduction they gave), was “how much does a cow cost in America? How about a sheep?” Well darn… I didn’t know. Those were two items of information I forgot to bring with me. (Note: my guilt at not knowing continued post-trip so after I returned to the states, I quickly did a search on Vermont Craigslist and sent Elena a text message saying “A spune Dorelle: 1 vaca costa $500-950 US, 1 oie costa $100-250US” (Tell Dorelle 1 cow costs $500-950, and 1 sheep costs $100-250). Thank goodness for my new Romanian Dictionary!!!
So anyhow, his SECOND question for me, as translated by his 18 year old, Vladutz (pronounced Vla-doots), was “at what age will you decide to get married?” Not wanting to show myself as not being prepared AGAIN, I smiled and said “55.” That seemed to satisfy them.
With Dorelle and his wife, Dorina, we grazed on appetizers of pickled vegetables and drank Tsuica, vishay nata (Romanian plum brandy – wow is that strong, but yummy) and I chatted with the boys. Both spoke fairly good English, but Vladutz was more advanced than his older brother. Vladutz is the national champion of wrestling and a high school senior. He hopes to go to medical school and be a physician and perhaps do autopsies. He loves working on his father’s farm, has a good group of friends, and many American movies on his laptop – but no american friends. He wanted to show me his room and so he did and then he wanted to sit and chat there. So we did (although visions of Mary Kay LeTourneau were racing through my mind). But he sat on one bed and I sat on the other and he seemed intent on showing me many of his trophies and things in his room. Then his brother came in. Dorelle Jr (or DoDo as he is called, pronounced dough-dough) is 180 degrees different than his brother. DoDo just graduated the university with an economics major, hates the farm, loves the discos, and recently returned from a tour of Egypt. He is the player in the family. Tight black t-shirt, smart glasses, lots of cologne, and a cool attitude. Both feel fortunate that their parents’ businesses have afforded them such a nice lifestyle. Both asked about the violence in America and gangs. They talked abit about the drug culture among youth in Romania, the hardships of dating as young Romanian women want flashy cars and “rich guys” willing to blow a lot of money on them, and their career goals. Later, as Elena and Valer and I debriefed the evening (they were eager to know what the boys and I talked about), they shared that DoDo has been quite a challenge. His girlfriend of 6 years broke up with him last month and he has been doing quite a bit of partying on his parents’ dime lately. Dorelle Sr is not happy about it, but his mother is protective. Apparently Dorelle helps himself out of the cash register of his mother’s store and then spends 2500 lei per night ($800 US) at all night discos (called non stop discos). And he’s not made any serious efforts to find a job since he graduated from college in June 2008. But anyhow, I digress. Dorina served up a beautiful dinner orfcarne de porc (grilled pork), potatoes, and fruit and we enjoyed several versions of Tsuica, cappuccino, and wine before the night was out. While I was being grilled by the boys about American life in their room, sounds of animated talking and laughter came from the other room. Elena and Valer had a great time chatting with Dorelle and Dorina. They really seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Dorelle and Dorina are only in their mid-40s and their businesses keep them very busy, so it was nice for them to have an evening with family. DoDo drove us home that night and much to his Aunt/Uncle’s distress (and thus mine), drove 120 km an hour down curvy 2-lane mountain roads with Romanian hiphop music blaring, window open, while he was smoking. I was in front with him and suggested to him several times that he turn it down and slow down, but he refused. He did give us a driving tour of Targu Mores which is a beautiful large city (250,000) with a thriving, cosmopolitan downtown, numerous theaters, universities, a modern new hospital, and some great recreational venues (outdoor spa, stadiums, etc). I liked Targu Mores a lot.
When we got home, Elena and Valer made me laugh as they imitated the Romanian music DoDo had been blaring and talked about how fast he drove. We were all crackin’ up. They knew I tried to get him to slow down and turn the music down, but also that he was clearly “showing off” for the American. Dodo actually gave me the CD he had been playing when he dropped us off, and so I now I have my own Romanian hiphop to play as I drive the curvy mountain roads of Vermont! I don’t know what the songs are about, but one of them is about hotels, mafia, and champagne. It’s my favorite and when I played it for Julia and Joshua, they loved it too!
Sunday we went to church. Elena and Valer attend a small Nazarene Church led by Pastor Roberta. There were about 23 people there, 3 other Americans besides me. Roberta used both English and Romanian in the service and Elena sang two solos. She has a beautiful voice. Everyone at church seemed to know her and greeted her warmly and genuinely. I was happy to see her connected to this community. After church, Elena grilled the sausage and pork she had been marinating and we had some more vishay nata and a BIG Sunday dinner. They asked me questions about my family ( I believe I drew my family genogram about 7 times on this trip), my work, crime in America, and numerous other topics. Honestly, I don’t think there was a topic we did NOT talk about. Then after lunch, Elena’s friend Elizabeth came down and showed me her son’s wedding photos. We also talked and she told me, as best she could, that on the news, she saw “two men… Obama… bang bang…prison.” So I thought Obama had been murdered while I was here internet – and cnn - less in Romania! I-yi-yi… later that afternoon I found some euro-news on tv and while it was in Romanian, it did show Obama doing the usual pre-election stuff and never showed anything resembling an assassination attempt so I figured it was ok. That evening, we kind of lounged about and watched tv, chatting here and there, and otherwise had a quiet evening.
Monday I woke LATE (11am) and Elena made a big lunch of chicken, porc, and sausage so she could feed me REALLY well before I left for my train ride to Bucharest. Roberta drove us to the train and Valer told Roberta that they were going to have a sad evening since Mary was leaving. I think my visit was a nice distraction. Valer had taken a full week’s vacation to have that time to spend with me and Elena and I “clicked” with him as much as I did with Elena. He is just a sweet, sweet man. So they got me on the train ($15US for an 180 miles/ 5 hour train ride to Bucharest) and I was seated in a small section with an older couple, an older gentleman, and a young man. Transylvania is filled with hills (Deals they say, Dee-ahls) so I took several pictures of villages and the landscape. The older couple got off the train at an earlier stop and as he exited our section, he said “you Japonaise?” I said no, Korea. He then said, “ I was in Okinawa in WWII with the Romanian military.” That was it. Then he left. And I was just startled that on a train in Transylvania, someone recognized I was Asian – I so often forget people that see me as Asian or I think I look “ethnically ambiguous.” I also never knew the Romanian military was in Japan during WWII. I can be so ignorant sometimes. The other older man in our car then showed me his pictures of the recent tour he and his wife made of Europe. He highly recommends Greece by the way. He is Hungarian by descent and is married to a Romanian woman, with his first grandchild due in December. He was a lovely man. Filled with stories of life before and after communism fell in 1989, he was a delightful and informative companion for the rest of my journey. At the train station in Bucharest, he helped me with my luggage and made sure I was ok. Dorothy met me at the train station and we went and stayed at the church missionary house overnight before I caught my plane to Boston the next morning. Bucharest has changed a lot – so many hotels, banks, and casinos. They are everywhere. Traffic was horrible and yet there were some familiar points of interest that I remembered from my trip 8 years ago. But much of “old Bucharest” is giving way to Starbucks, mega warehouses, malls, luxury car dealerships, Ikea stores, and numerous other “signs” of prosperity. We still were able to grab a dinner of greek salad at a nice Romanian restaurant for about $4US each, but I’m sure in the coming years, those bargain prices will soon disappear as well. As I left, I was hoping that as the Romanian economy continues to evolve, it will create communities centered around things other than casinos and hotels. Since Romania joined the European Union, it no longer qualifies for USAID grants (because it’s not a developing nation, it’s a member of the EU). So what has been good for the economy of the nation, is a huge setback (in my mind) for the type of supports their social service system needs to strengthen and advance their capacity to serve children, families, and the elderly. They are far less equipped in this area than their fellow EU countries given the “youth” of their democracy. I hope that the in-country businesses take a more visible role and that other “providers” (be them foundations or partners) can be engaged in the process. What a fascinating place. To have seen it at 11 years into establishing a capitalist / democratic society post-communism and now again at 19 years in, the changes are rapid, some good and some bad.
So that’s it. That was my trip. I had a really amazing time and am so grateful I had the time with Elena to experience her world. I cannot imagine the grief of losing your only child in foreign country and having to bring her body home. My goal was to be sure that Elena knew we remembered her too and thought of her often. While the circumstances that brought all of us together last fall were tragic, my life is richer and more blessed by Pam, Felicia, Daniel, Father Frunza, Nermine, Judit, Joni – and especially Elena, and now Valer. “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.” Anonymous
*
I cannot believe it has been 3 months since I last posted. It has been a busy fall, clearly. We'll start with the holiday and work our way backward.
Aunt Edna, Knighten, and Nancy drove up from New York to join me for Christmas last Tuesday. We ate magnificent food, that included a spectacular dinner that Knighten made for us Christmas eve (and he graciously accommodated my housemates who decided to join us at the last minute - with guests, making our dinner for 4 now a dinner for 8), dinner at Simon Pearce (the lovely restaurant that hosted Laura Bush and Tyra Banks this Summer and is overlooking the Quechee covered bridge and water fall), egg nog, wine, and the NY Times in front of the woodstove, and shopping in Woodstock (Ladies' Home Journal named Woodstock, Vermont as the prettiest small town in the USA, and National Geographic concurred, and described it as one of the ten most beautiful small towns in the USA. The American Architectural Society went one step further and stated: "it is perfect - if any town in any country can be."). My housemates said it was their best Christmas EVER! And it was lovely to have family here for my first Christmas in Vermont.
Interestingly, Woodstock was just named in the Top Ten Places to Spend Christmas in the US! (http://www.americasbestonline.net/index.php/pages/bestchristmastowns.html). Kennebunkport, ME (one of my new favorite summer spots) and Mackinac Island (a Michigan favorite) also made the list! So I hope these travel nuggets nudge some more of you in my direction sometime soon! And if that's not enough, here's another tasty tidbit:
Every morning I have coffee and read the newspaper at the Farmers Diner in Quechee. It's a quaint little spot which features locally grown food and is partially housed in a railroad car. This morning, as I was having a lazy, late morning coffee and spinach/blue cheese/scallion omelet, a photographer from GQ Magazine was there taking photos for an upcoming feature! So GQ readers, watch for me in the background of the shot! I am at the counter in a grey sweater, brown books, and navy dress. According to the waitstaff, Farmers Diner is also featured in the January 2009 issue of Bon Appetit (see link: http://www.bonappetit.com/magazine/2009/01/a_chefs_breakfast ). Fun, eh?
Early December found me in Michigan, for Sally's 40th birthday and the joint celebrations of Julia's birthday, Joshua's birthday, Brian's birthday, and my birthday. I had a great time running around visiting friends and family and catching up with everyone. Highlights included: family dinner at Shogun, going to Alex's Christian High B-ball game, taking my 4 nieces and nephews shopping for their Christmas presents, breakfast with daddy at Brandywine, Pam hosting a party for me at her house, massage by Judit, birthday lunch with bethany folks, taking Brian, Sally and the kids to Chophouse for her birthday dinner, wine with Kimberly, drinks with Cheryl/Kimmie, cafe mocha with Felicia and Daniel, lunch @ John and Hazels, Osta's takeout with Clarice, and much much more. It's amazing what you can pack into a week when you need to!
The November highlights, besides the election of our new fantastic President, Thanksgiving in NYC at a Korean spa (with a bazillion other Koreans); a weeklong trip to Sighisoara Romania to see my friend Elena and lead 2 seminars for Veritas, a social service agency; a fantabulous gospel concert @ Dartmouth; and my boss telling me that I "work harder than anyone she has ever met" (which cannot be true, but it's nice to know she does notice my efforts.). I do work alot, but not in any outrageous amounts I don't think. The Sighisoara trip blog is located below - yes, I know it is far overdue, but it is here for those of you who are interested.
October was a lovely month. Fall colors and all that. Vermont is truly lovely and I thoroughly enjoyed "experiencing the season." Daddy came for another visit and we visited Fort Ticonderoga in upstate NY (on Lake Champlain), a Shaker museum/farm in New Hampshire, the White Mountains, and otherwise just hung out and read and enjoyed strawberry shortcake and other yummy goodies.
In September, I went to an Ethics training on the southern coast of Maine (I DO love the ocean), had several trips to New Haven CT to continue my orientation to the agency, and joined 30 of our foster parents in Boston for the agency 2-day foster parent conference.
So that's about it! No critter sightings, haven't gotten my car stuck in Vermont mud again, and am otherwise doing pretty well for 9 months into this major life move.
So what's coming up for me in 2009? A few things:
*Trip with Dad to Belize in February or March 2009. This is my 3rd time, his 4th. This year, in addition to snorkeling, we're adding scuba diving and zip lining to the itinerary.
*Consulting on a screenplay for a film about a korean adoptee who returns to Korea with her American adoptive mother. A local film writer (nora jacobson, Off The Grid Productions, http://www.offthegridproductions.com/ ) lives here and heard about me and gave me a copy of her screenplay. I have been asked to give input and may join a reading of the script, playing the part of the rebellious 17 year old adoptee. This is her 4th film.
*Trip to Vegas to join Amy and Mike and crew for their annual Vegas extravaganza (and hopefully a trip to Florida to see their new home!)
*A long weekend in January in NYC with my friend NaLee, who just moved to DC.
*Hosting Paul, Deb, Tony, and Jennifer when they come visit this summer for a week.
And that's about it!
I hope you and yours are well, warm, safe, and dry this wet, rainy day. It's supposed to be 50 degrees here in Vermont tomorrow and from what I hear, the rest of the nation is experiencing the same schizo-weather of unseasonably warm days, then snowy freezing days, then freezing rain, then snow (even in Vegas), then wicked warm again. I love you and hope to talk to you soon.
Marilee
(Romania Trip blog below)
Romania Trip 2008
On Monday, October 27, I flew out of Boston Logan for my long awaited trip to Sighisoara Romania. After a chilly, rainy, windy, cloudy 11 hour layover in Paris France (which consisted of a lot of espresso on plastic-draped sidewalk cafes, a lot of “So there’s the Eiffel Tower, Arc d’Trumphe, etc… ok, now some chocolate… ok, the Louvre… ok, how about a croissant and an umbrella…” (sigh, and me subsisting on only 3 hours sleep on the redeye), I landed in Bucharest Tuesday evening and was greeted at the airport by my friend Elena and her husband, Valer (Vah-lair). We were about to embark on a week long visit at their home in Sighisoara, with me knowing no Romanian except (Bine, phonetically BEE-nay = good) and them knowing little english (or in Valer’s case, no english). For those of you who may remember, Elena was in Michigan last fall to be with her only child, Ani, a 26 year old Kuyper college student, as Ani fought, and ultimately lost, her battle with ovarian cancer. Because Elena and I have kept in touch via periodic text messaging and monthly phone calls via translators, I had promised to come see her. And I wanted to see her before the first anniversary of Ani’s death on November 21, 2008.
Elena and Vali live in a very clean, cozy, efficient, 2-bedroom / 1 bath, ground floor apt on the east side of Sighisoara. The apt is in a 5-story cement “block” building in a large complex, not unlike those cement block buildings found in Seoul, Bucharest, and other large cities. Although their area of the city is pretty modern, Sighisoara was founded in 1280 AD and has at it’s center, a large section of the old walled city with cobblestone streets, citadels, and TONS and TONs of character. Sighi has 32,000 residents who are of primarily Hungarian, Romanian, and Roma (Gypsy) descent.
Having arrived at their home late at night, we stayed up chatting abit and had a yummy late dinner of Sarmali, Romanian cabbage rolls. We all slept in on Wednesday. After lunch (fried chicken and mashed potatoes), Roberta, a Nazarene Minister who came to her post in Romania from Arkansas in her early 50s, picked Valer and me up in her car and gave me a driving tour of the city and Veritas, the social service ministry that Ani had volunteered at and the one I would be leading 2 seminars for. Roberta has been a strong support person to Elena and she shares a home with Dorothy Tarrant, the Executive Director of Veritas, within the old city area of Sighisoara. Veritas maintains offices within 3 locations of the city. One serves as a family center and hosts meals for homeless and low income Roma kids, families, and the elderly and group activities; the other has offices for social work staff who work in their domestic violence program, children’s services, and elderly services; and the third has an international café (whose profits go to Veritas); classrooms for a Romania Studies program; and administrative offices. Veritas has about 30 staff and numerous volunteers and is the site of the first Domestic Violence program in the country, which was founded under a USAID grant shared by Veritas and Cornerstone University. The grant was spearheaded by my friend, Pammy. When domestic violence was finally outlawed in Romania (early 2004?), Pam and Dorothy partnered to get some legal and social support services going. Pam also ran Bethany’s $8 million Romanian child welfare development program in Bucharest from 1998-2001.
So Veritas is a pretty big deal and far larger in scope and services than I originally thought. I met several of the staff who were going to be in my seminars and really was impressed with the warmth and commitment they have to the community and kids / families they serve.
Then we went to the cemetery. Elena goes to the cemetery regularly, but she prefers to go alone or with one of her girlfriends, so she did not join us. The cemetery is visible from about a block away from the house. The cemetery is divided into sections by religion: Orthodox, Christian, Catholic, etc. Those without a church affiliation are apparently buried in the Orthodox section as well. Ani’s headstone and crypt are the largest and most beautiful in the Christian section. It is made of grey/black granite and has a photo of her carved into the headstone as well. There are lots of flowers around her grave. Elena clearly maintains it very well. Elena had told me that Ani’s grave cost them $3,000 American so Valer had recently taken a short term lucrative work gig in Spain to enable them to pay for the headstone and crypt as they earn alittle over $400/month (Valer is a welder for the gas company, Elena used to work for a factory that made ceramic coffee mugs).
That evening, they took me to the store where they insisted I could pick out some food that I liked to eat. I picked out a small bag of pretzels and some yogurt. We had a nice dinner of sarmali again (my fav) and potatoes. After dinner, the evening flew as we sat at their kitchen table (Romanian-English Dictionary in hand) and caught up on the various people/events in our lives. Through heavy use of the dictionary, gestures, some semblance of charades, and, when needed, drawing on paper with pens, we managed to communicate and they learned I now live in a padura (forest) in Vermont (state by Boston) in a rental house (casa) with 3 bathrooms and bears near by and I work with children (copile) who need families (mama and tata). I learned they hate George Bush, have Discovery Channel on their tv, love Obama, and that they blame Bush for the American economic crisis. We had animated discussion, to say the least, and then, jetlagged, I begged off to go sleep in the guest room.
Thursday, I was roused early (7am) to get ready for my 3 hour presentation at Veritas. (Remind me never to schedule these “volunteer” presentations for before 10am while I’m on vacation…i- yi-yi!!!). So showered (their apt has great water pressure), but hair all askew, I gulped down my two cups of Romanian coffee (3.5 spoonfuls of unstrained grounds in a cup with boiling water – wicked strong) and was picked up by Dorothy to go do my “thang.” The session actually went well, albeit I hardly got a word in edgewise once they got talking. We talked abit first about my background, their roles, and then profiles of 4 actual kids on their caseloads for us to assess and develop plans/strategies for. Some of the staff are social workers working with at-risk, low income, Roma (Gypsy) children and families. Others are pre-school teachers or work with at-risk adolescents in groups. I provided them with a general outline for assessing an individual child and then we got into the meat of one of the cases. Using two interpreters, most of the staff and I were able to communicate (me saying “dah dah dah = yes yes yes OR no no no =no no no).” The time went by quickly and so as we wrapped up, I asked them to think of two strategies for the remaining 3 cases for us to discuss the next day. It’s especially challenging because Sighisoara (and most of Romania) does not have the community services we have in the states, nor do they have politia (police) and state officials who can be relied on for appropriate action. So it’s really grassroots, how to intervene with families and make a difference without a continuum of services available in the community. We were scheduled from 8am – 2pm on Friday and then they also wanted me to do a fundraising workshop for them on an additional day (Monday). After the session, Roberta brought me back to the house where Elena made a nice chicken and french fry lunch for me. Then we took a taxi into town and walked around, had cafea (coffee) at an outdoor café, visited another grocery store where they bought me Romanian wine, Russian vodka, and 3 grapefruits (yes, I felt terrible, they would not allow me to pay for anything), and went to the farmer’s market. Oh, and Elena bought me my own Romanian-English Dictionary. Then Valer had a doctor’s appt at the Sighisoara hospital so we walked over to the hospital campus. According to Elena, while there is some health insurance available to them, medical care can be denied unless you pay bribes to the doctor. The hospital is older, the buildings decrepit, and the patients look as if they are in a lot of pain. A friend of Elena’s came out of one of the buildings with her elderly mother, whose arm was in a cast. Elena later explained how painful the x-ray and casting process is as their equipment is very old and the expertise of the physicians is not good. The mother looked like she was in such pain. I felt awful for her and totally understood why Ani should not have come back to Romania to die. It would have been a more painful, horrible experience than it was in the states. It was sad to see that this was the only choice for 32,000 hard working Romanian citizens of Sighisoara.
Thursday night we went out to dinner to a local pizza joint. We had HUGE calzones with ham, cheese, and mushroom. They were yummy. On the walk back home, some neighborhood boys were picking on another boy in the street. They were chasing him and kicking him. Elena intervened and “got right on those boys,” which seemed to help for the moment. The kids couldn’t be older than 9 or 10 years old. I was proud of her for standing up for him and glad to see her take action. That evening, I showed them photos of my house and Vermont (courtesy of a photo CD from my friend Mary which arrived right before I left) and we looked at some of the videos of Ani on Ani’s computer. It was a pretty emotional evening. But it enabled us to finally talk. Elena remains convinced that the American medical system killed her daughter and that cancer didn’t kill her. She continues to not understand the hospice system, why the doctor never gave Ani an IV until the end when she was hospitalized, and believes that Ani starved to death. Painfully, she relayed that she had seen on a Discovery Channel tv show how an American was jailed after not feeding his dog for 3 days – and she doesn’t understand why no one went to jail after Ani died. She said that sometimes she forgets that Ani died and she thinks she is in America at school. But singing hymns and writing poems helps her. She sings solos of old Romanian hymns at church on Sunday and in her kitchen, in the early morning, when she can’t sleep. She writes, she reads the Bible, and she is trying to turn it over to God. But she is still grieving. Her support system includes Dorothy and Roberta, but also her (gypsy) friend Valerika, a woman who was recently widowed and lives in the building. They have coffee every day in Elena’s kitchen in the morning after Valer leaves for work. I also met her friend Elizabeth, a Hungarian friend who lives above her. Elizabeth and Valerika are two people she will allow to go to the cemetery with her. She has not been able to go to Veritas without pain, so she hasn’t been very involved there yet. What I didn’t know was that when Elena came to Michigan last fall to be with Ani, she and Valer had 2 american college students that they were hosting as part of the Romanian Studies program. She proudly showed me photos of them and talked about how much she cared for them. She and Valer also hosted a young man named Logan early this year. I encouraged her to host students again. It clearly brought a sparkle to her eyes and she and Valer seemed to love having a young person around. She said maybe.
Friday I roused early (again) for my last day at Veritas. I had decided with Roberta and Elena to squeeze my fundraising mini-seminar into the day on Friday so I could spend Monday, my last morning in Sighisoara, with Elena. Roberta picked me up and we arrived at the Veritas café in the old city for my last session. We had a half hour of devotions first and then the staff and I spent some time brainstorming and dissecting the last 3 cases. I tried to be helpful in helping them develop strategies to engage the parents and care providers. There was a lot of frustration expressed about the suspected neglectful or abusive nature of the parents and, yet, the reality is, most of the cases would not meet the criteria for removal. Yes, there is substance abuse, yes, the kids come to school hungry or stay up to late, and yes, there are the frequent household moves as parents without resources move from one relative’s home to another – but unless you approach the parents with compassion and treat them as partners, little may change. Staff acknowledged that when they confront parents, the parents then remove the kids from the program. So re-framing their work into “what approach will work best to engage these parents in providing better for their children?” became more of our focus. I provided them with a model of teaming and role played how effective group meetings can engage parents in the process. We talked a lot about using social work skills to motivate and engage parents, as opposed to challenging and blaming them. We then took a quick 15 minute break and then re-grouped for a 1.5 hour session on “basic fundraising” with a select group of staff. Because Dorothy, their Executive Director, is retiring at the end of 2009, Veritas staff are particularly anxious about the future of the organization, which is nearly 100% reliant on donations. The staff really loved the framework for fundraising and I worked hard to present a model which could whether you had 10 donors or 100 donors. Then I role modeled some “asks” and when one of the staff tried it herself, I responded by handing her $80US ($220 Romanian Lei) to emphasize my point (since Elena and Valer had not let me spend any money yet, that was my first expenditure). Then we broke for lunch and ate lunch at the family center, where the kids groups and homeless kids/families eat. We had really yummy meatballs, Romanian sauerkraut, potatoes, and bread. Then Roberta brought me home. Elena, Valer, and I chatted about my day and they complimented me on my growing mastery of the Romanian language. (I am phonetically impressionable so was mastering the Romanian phonetics fairly well, if I don’t say so myself). That evening, Roberta picked us up for dinner at her house. Roberta made a yummy dinner of pork chops, gravy, green beans, potatoes, biscuits, and chocolate chip cookies for dessert. The house she shared with Dorothy is a large, spacious, Victorian style-home within the original walled city. It overlooks the city and has a lovely little patio and yard. Elena and Valer particularly liked the biscuits and crystal light lemonade. Elena told stories, and Roberta translated for me, about the televangalists she is watching on Romanian tv. There have been numerous stories of people who have converted from Orthodoxy to Christianity. As someone who practiced her faith sporadically before Ani’s death (but is now devout), she has been particularly interested in these testimonies. After dinner, Roberta drove us home and Valer and Elena and I sat up late and talked about everything – Romanian culture, American culture, Vermont, Michigan, friends, family, Romanian grammar, American grammar, the American stock market and economy, what Korea is like, what Spain is like (Elena’s brother and sister live in Spain and she has visited them there), what life under communism was like, what life in a “young” democracy is like, what bears in Vermont eat, etc. We laughed and talked, and talked and laughed every day. It was nice to see her smile so much. Every now and then, if I complimented her, she would pause and deflect it or become tearful as if it reminded her of Ani. But there were definitely times when you could see the “spirit” of Elena and it was a wonderful thing.
On Saturday we took a taxi to the bus station and took the bus 30 miles away to Targu Mures (Tour-gah More-esh) to spend some time with Valer’s brother. Valer’s brother is a “patron,” in that he owns 4 homes in TM, has 1,000 sheep on his sheep farm, and his wife owns a thriving retail store (magazin). They have two boys age 18 and 24. En route, we saw Elena’s hometown and went by the house she born in. Once in Targu Mores, I thought we were going to the farm, but we actually met them at one of their apts. Both boys speak English so their parents wanted them to speak English with me. Valer’s brother is named Dorelle. His first question of me, after they introduced me as someone who lives in the forested country in Vermont (I distinctly heard “casa” which is house, “Vermont,” and “Padura” which is forest in the introduction they gave), was “how much does a cow cost in America? How about a sheep?” Well darn… I didn’t know. Those were two items of information I forgot to bring with me. (Note: my guilt at not knowing continued post-trip so after I returned to the states, I quickly did a search on Vermont Craigslist and sent Elena a text message saying “A spune Dorelle: 1 vaca costa $500-950 US, 1 oie costa $100-250US” (Tell Dorelle 1 cow costs $500-950, and 1 sheep costs $100-250). Thank goodness for my new Romanian Dictionary!!!
So anyhow, his SECOND question for me, as translated by his 18 year old, Vladutz (pronounced Vla-doots), was “at what age will you decide to get married?” Not wanting to show myself as not being prepared AGAIN, I smiled and said “55.” That seemed to satisfy them.
With Dorelle and his wife, Dorina, we grazed on appetizers of pickled vegetables and drank Tsuica, vishay nata (Romanian plum brandy – wow is that strong, but yummy) and I chatted with the boys. Both spoke fairly good English, but Vladutz was more advanced than his older brother. Vladutz is the national champion of wrestling and a high school senior. He hopes to go to medical school and be a physician and perhaps do autopsies. He loves working on his father’s farm, has a good group of friends, and many American movies on his laptop – but no american friends. He wanted to show me his room and so he did and then he wanted to sit and chat there. So we did (although visions of Mary Kay LeTourneau were racing through my mind). But he sat on one bed and I sat on the other and he seemed intent on showing me many of his trophies and things in his room. Then his brother came in. Dorelle Jr (or DoDo as he is called, pronounced dough-dough) is 180 degrees different than his brother. DoDo just graduated the university with an economics major, hates the farm, loves the discos, and recently returned from a tour of Egypt. He is the player in the family. Tight black t-shirt, smart glasses, lots of cologne, and a cool attitude. Both feel fortunate that their parents’ businesses have afforded them such a nice lifestyle. Both asked about the violence in America and gangs. They talked abit about the drug culture among youth in Romania, the hardships of dating as young Romanian women want flashy cars and “rich guys” willing to blow a lot of money on them, and their career goals. Later, as Elena and Valer and I debriefed the evening (they were eager to know what the boys and I talked about), they shared that DoDo has been quite a challenge. His girlfriend of 6 years broke up with him last month and he has been doing quite a bit of partying on his parents’ dime lately. Dorelle Sr is not happy about it, but his mother is protective. Apparently Dorelle helps himself out of the cash register of his mother’s store and then spends 2500 lei per night ($800 US) at all night discos (called non stop discos). And he’s not made any serious efforts to find a job since he graduated from college in June 2008. But anyhow, I digress. Dorina served up a beautiful dinner orfcarne de porc (grilled pork), potatoes, and fruit and we enjoyed several versions of Tsuica, cappuccino, and wine before the night was out. While I was being grilled by the boys about American life in their room, sounds of animated talking and laughter came from the other room. Elena and Valer had a great time chatting with Dorelle and Dorina. They really seemed to enjoy each other’s company. Dorelle and Dorina are only in their mid-40s and their businesses keep them very busy, so it was nice for them to have an evening with family. DoDo drove us home that night and much to his Aunt/Uncle’s distress (and thus mine), drove 120 km an hour down curvy 2-lane mountain roads with Romanian hiphop music blaring, window open, while he was smoking. I was in front with him and suggested to him several times that he turn it down and slow down, but he refused. He did give us a driving tour of Targu Mores which is a beautiful large city (250,000) with a thriving, cosmopolitan downtown, numerous theaters, universities, a modern new hospital, and some great recreational venues (outdoor spa, stadiums, etc). I liked Targu Mores a lot.
When we got home, Elena and Valer made me laugh as they imitated the Romanian music DoDo had been blaring and talked about how fast he drove. We were all crackin’ up. They knew I tried to get him to slow down and turn the music down, but also that he was clearly “showing off” for the American. Dodo actually gave me the CD he had been playing when he dropped us off, and so I now I have my own Romanian hiphop to play as I drive the curvy mountain roads of Vermont! I don’t know what the songs are about, but one of them is about hotels, mafia, and champagne. It’s my favorite and when I played it for Julia and Joshua, they loved it too!
Sunday we went to church. Elena and Valer attend a small Nazarene Church led by Pastor Roberta. There were about 23 people there, 3 other Americans besides me. Roberta used both English and Romanian in the service and Elena sang two solos. She has a beautiful voice. Everyone at church seemed to know her and greeted her warmly and genuinely. I was happy to see her connected to this community. After church, Elena grilled the sausage and pork she had been marinating and we had some more vishay nata and a BIG Sunday dinner. They asked me questions about my family ( I believe I drew my family genogram about 7 times on this trip), my work, crime in America, and numerous other topics. Honestly, I don’t think there was a topic we did NOT talk about. Then after lunch, Elena’s friend Elizabeth came down and showed me her son’s wedding photos. We also talked and she told me, as best she could, that on the news, she saw “two men… Obama… bang bang…prison.” So I thought Obama had been murdered while I was here internet – and cnn - less in Romania! I-yi-yi… later that afternoon I found some euro-news on tv and while it was in Romanian, it did show Obama doing the usual pre-election stuff and never showed anything resembling an assassination attempt so I figured it was ok. That evening, we kind of lounged about and watched tv, chatting here and there, and otherwise had a quiet evening.
Monday I woke LATE (11am) and Elena made a big lunch of chicken, porc, and sausage so she could feed me REALLY well before I left for my train ride to Bucharest. Roberta drove us to the train and Valer told Roberta that they were going to have a sad evening since Mary was leaving. I think my visit was a nice distraction. Valer had taken a full week’s vacation to have that time to spend with me and Elena and I “clicked” with him as much as I did with Elena. He is just a sweet, sweet man. So they got me on the train ($15US for an 180 miles/ 5 hour train ride to Bucharest) and I was seated in a small section with an older couple, an older gentleman, and a young man. Transylvania is filled with hills (Deals they say, Dee-ahls) so I took several pictures of villages and the landscape. The older couple got off the train at an earlier stop and as he exited our section, he said “you Japonaise?” I said no, Korea. He then said, “ I was in Okinawa in WWII with the Romanian military.” That was it. Then he left. And I was just startled that on a train in Transylvania, someone recognized I was Asian – I so often forget people that see me as Asian or I think I look “ethnically ambiguous.” I also never knew the Romanian military was in Japan during WWII. I can be so ignorant sometimes. The other older man in our car then showed me his pictures of the recent tour he and his wife made of Europe. He highly recommends Greece by the way. He is Hungarian by descent and is married to a Romanian woman, with his first grandchild due in December. He was a lovely man. Filled with stories of life before and after communism fell in 1989, he was a delightful and informative companion for the rest of my journey. At the train station in Bucharest, he helped me with my luggage and made sure I was ok. Dorothy met me at the train station and we went and stayed at the church missionary house overnight before I caught my plane to Boston the next morning. Bucharest has changed a lot – so many hotels, banks, and casinos. They are everywhere. Traffic was horrible and yet there were some familiar points of interest that I remembered from my trip 8 years ago. But much of “old Bucharest” is giving way to Starbucks, mega warehouses, malls, luxury car dealerships, Ikea stores, and numerous other “signs” of prosperity. We still were able to grab a dinner of greek salad at a nice Romanian restaurant for about $4US each, but I’m sure in the coming years, those bargain prices will soon disappear as well. As I left, I was hoping that as the Romanian economy continues to evolve, it will create communities centered around things other than casinos and hotels. Since Romania joined the European Union, it no longer qualifies for USAID grants (because it’s not a developing nation, it’s a member of the EU). So what has been good for the economy of the nation, is a huge setback (in my mind) for the type of supports their social service system needs to strengthen and advance their capacity to serve children, families, and the elderly. They are far less equipped in this area than their fellow EU countries given the “youth” of their democracy. I hope that the in-country businesses take a more visible role and that other “providers” (be them foundations or partners) can be engaged in the process. What a fascinating place. To have seen it at 11 years into establishing a capitalist / democratic society post-communism and now again at 19 years in, the changes are rapid, some good and some bad.
So that’s it. That was my trip. I had a really amazing time and am so grateful I had the time with Elena to experience her world. I cannot imagine the grief of losing your only child in foreign country and having to bring her body home. My goal was to be sure that Elena knew we remembered her too and thought of her often. While the circumstances that brought all of us together last fall were tragic, my life is richer and more blessed by Pam, Felicia, Daniel, Father Frunza, Nermine, Judit, Joni – and especially Elena, and now Valer. “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Others stay awhile, make footprints on our hearts and we are never, ever the same.” Anonymous
*
Sunday, September 7, 2008
Budget Travel Mag Lists WRJ in Top Ten Coolest Small Towns
Hey folks,
See link - Budget Travel Magazine just listed White River Junction as one of the Top Ten Coolest Small Towns in the US.
http://www.budgettravel.com/bt-dyn/content/article/2008/08/02/AR2008080201334.html
Who woulda thunk it?
Marilee
See link - Budget Travel Magazine just listed White River Junction as one of the Top Ten Coolest Small Towns in the US.
http://www.budgettravel.com/bt-dyn/content/article/2008/08/02/AR2008080201334.html
Who woulda thunk it?
Marilee
Saturday, August 30, 2008
Happy Labor Day!
Happy Labor Day everyone!
Yes, finally back online after, what, almost 42 days off? Time flies. Am finally settling back into my routine. Had two great visits with Tony, Jen, Paul and Deb and then Brian, Sally, Julia, and Joshua. Visited the great NYC with both families and ate a lot of good meals, went kayaking, played alot of speed scrabble. It was really wonderful to see them and show them "my world."
So, since then have been playing catch up at work. Work is going well - we had a foster parent appreciation bbq last weekend (where I was officially introduced) and this fall will be full with several trips to corporate headquarters for training (Diversity, Foundations of Supervision, Families for Life) and Team Leader Meetings. I also signed up for an Ethics training, held conveniently on the coast of Maine (nice opportunity to get back there since I haven't been there in a couple of months).
This weekend I'm using today as a catch up work day since the weather is not cooperating. May catch a movie later. My housemate is gone so I've got the house to myself except for the dog walker that is coming over 3x daily to walk the dog. Unfortunately, "scootie" is quite unmanageable for me given his size and strength so I have taken a pass at being responsible for him. But I felt bad when he was howling in his cage last night at 3am, missing his owner. 4 days in a cage except for 3 walks daily seems cruel to me - but given he can't be left alone in the house and won't cooperate enough for me to just take him outside and let him spend some time on his chain, there aren't other good options. (Yes, I know all my "dog-owner friends are appalled - but Scootie is no Jack or Daisy, Whit and Joni). If he is agitated again tonight, I may advise her that it's best for her to find someone to keep him at their house next time she has extended time away.
My housemate has also really wanting a third housemate to help cover costs with winter coming. So we've posted some ads on Craig's list and uvscene.com (Upper Valley Scene) but we'll see what comes of it. Saving money is always great - but for me, it needs to be the right person. I love having time to myself at the house and our current setup has worked great. I woudl prefer to keep the 3rd bedroom as a guest room but I guess, unless I'm willing to pay extra, I should be more understanding of her limited cash flow issues (she makes 1/3 of what I make). But, even if that happens, there still will be room for guests as we have 3 couches and the loft and I would gladly offer up my room (with attached private bath/deck) to any guests who come this way for some fall foliage getaways(hint hint)....
So my plan for tomorrow and Monday is beach beach beach time. I have a small beach about 3 miles from the house which is lovely. I've been reading Gayle Tsukiyama's The Samuri's Garden" which is FABULOUS, so I picked up two more of her books at the discount book store. Bought a ton of fruit at the Farmer's Market, some mojito mix, a few movies, and am going to enjoy the last legs of summer (as the trees here are already starting to turn!).
So hope all is well in your world! Knighten and Kate, I'm thinking of coming to NYC (adjacent to trainings in New Haven, CT) Nov 4-5, 11-12, or November 15-16 so if you two are around those weekends and want to hang out, let me know!
Love,
Marilee
Yes, finally back online after, what, almost 42 days off? Time flies. Am finally settling back into my routine. Had two great visits with Tony, Jen, Paul and Deb and then Brian, Sally, Julia, and Joshua. Visited the great NYC with both families and ate a lot of good meals, went kayaking, played alot of speed scrabble. It was really wonderful to see them and show them "my world."
So, since then have been playing catch up at work. Work is going well - we had a foster parent appreciation bbq last weekend (where I was officially introduced) and this fall will be full with several trips to corporate headquarters for training (Diversity, Foundations of Supervision, Families for Life) and Team Leader Meetings. I also signed up for an Ethics training, held conveniently on the coast of Maine (nice opportunity to get back there since I haven't been there in a couple of months).
This weekend I'm using today as a catch up work day since the weather is not cooperating. May catch a movie later. My housemate is gone so I've got the house to myself except for the dog walker that is coming over 3x daily to walk the dog. Unfortunately, "scootie" is quite unmanageable for me given his size and strength so I have taken a pass at being responsible for him. But I felt bad when he was howling in his cage last night at 3am, missing his owner. 4 days in a cage except for 3 walks daily seems cruel to me - but given he can't be left alone in the house and won't cooperate enough for me to just take him outside and let him spend some time on his chain, there aren't other good options. (Yes, I know all my "dog-owner friends are appalled - but Scootie is no Jack or Daisy, Whit and Joni). If he is agitated again tonight, I may advise her that it's best for her to find someone to keep him at their house next time she has extended time away.
My housemate has also really wanting a third housemate to help cover costs with winter coming. So we've posted some ads on Craig's list and uvscene.com (Upper Valley Scene) but we'll see what comes of it. Saving money is always great - but for me, it needs to be the right person. I love having time to myself at the house and our current setup has worked great. I woudl prefer to keep the 3rd bedroom as a guest room but I guess, unless I'm willing to pay extra, I should be more understanding of her limited cash flow issues (she makes 1/3 of what I make). But, even if that happens, there still will be room for guests as we have 3 couches and the loft and I would gladly offer up my room (with attached private bath/deck) to any guests who come this way for some fall foliage getaways(hint hint)....
So my plan for tomorrow and Monday is beach beach beach time. I have a small beach about 3 miles from the house which is lovely. I've been reading Gayle Tsukiyama's The Samuri's Garden" which is FABULOUS, so I picked up two more of her books at the discount book store. Bought a ton of fruit at the Farmer's Market, some mojito mix, a few movies, and am going to enjoy the last legs of summer (as the trees here are already starting to turn!).
So hope all is well in your world! Knighten and Kate, I'm thinking of coming to NYC (adjacent to trainings in New Haven, CT) Nov 4-5, 11-12, or November 15-16 so if you two are around those weekends and want to hang out, let me know!
Love,
Marilee
Saturday, July 19, 2008
It's been a month!
Sorry gang! I can't believe i haven't written in a month! It's been a whirlwind... Here are the highlights:
-Had a great visit with 2 friends Mary and Gayle who came 2 days after Dad left. They spent weekdays exploring the upper valley (who could imagine you could spend a whole day in Quechee?) and then we went to Maine for the weekend (rainy - but yummy lobster!). Was great fun having friends here, grilling and eating on the deck, showing them my favorite restaurants and places.
-Then my friend Amy came! We spent a day in Quechee and Woodstock, then drove up to Montreal. Had a great time walking around Montreal Vieux (Old town Montreal), doing the bus tour, the "Let there be light show" at Notre Dame Basilica, and shopping the underground shopping mall (20 miles of underground shopping!). We spent her last night in Burlington on Lake Champlain.
So now I am catching up at work, doing laundry, and tending the mundane tasks of life that fall by the wayside when I get busy...
So what have I learned or experienced this last month?
1. I need AAA. I got my Buick LaCrosse stuck in a grassy field after a hard rain last night. $120 for a tow truck to pull it out. I was at the Connecticut Valley Fair recruiting foster parents at our agency's booth from 6-10pm. First, Downpour. Me - in a dress. Two mud-splattered young men tried in vain to push me out. The only plus - I had on appropriate footwear! I now have "vermont shoes" AKA velcro strappy flat ECCO sandals that Amy helped me pick out in Montreal at the sidewalk sale when my feet were killing me from walking around in high heels on cobblestone roads. I refer to them as my "ugly" shoes or "vermont" shoes. So much for a clean car. The car was so muddy - the car wash guy wouldn't let me in. I had to go to self-spray place.
2. Quechee IS a destination for the rich and famous. While daddy was here, First Lady Laura Bush, 3 friends, and 16 secret service men descended on Quechee to lunch at Simon Pearce (a local glass blower's restaurant on the Ottauquechee River). Not while passing through, not while in VT to visit some other high end destination - JUST to come to Quechee. (Amy and I had dinner there while she was here and it really is lovely!) Our second famous visitor last month was Tyra Banks! After Laura Bush came through, Tyra came to Quechee and had dinner at Simon Pearce! Tyra is the host of America's Next Top Model and has her own daytime talk show. So how diverse is that!?!?!
3. Criter Update: Saw a fox. Driving in to work along the river one morning,a small, long, lean brown fox jumped in front of the car and ran across the road. Then, of course, I read an article in the local paper about a young girl who got bit by a rabid fox. They go after small children. I need to stand taller and wear more heels. sigh...
So til next time -
Love,
Marilee
-Had a great visit with 2 friends Mary and Gayle who came 2 days after Dad left. They spent weekdays exploring the upper valley (who could imagine you could spend a whole day in Quechee?) and then we went to Maine for the weekend (rainy - but yummy lobster!). Was great fun having friends here, grilling and eating on the deck, showing them my favorite restaurants and places.
-Then my friend Amy came! We spent a day in Quechee and Woodstock, then drove up to Montreal. Had a great time walking around Montreal Vieux (Old town Montreal), doing the bus tour, the "Let there be light show" at Notre Dame Basilica, and shopping the underground shopping mall (20 miles of underground shopping!). We spent her last night in Burlington on Lake Champlain.
So now I am catching up at work, doing laundry, and tending the mundane tasks of life that fall by the wayside when I get busy...
So what have I learned or experienced this last month?
1. I need AAA. I got my Buick LaCrosse stuck in a grassy field after a hard rain last night. $120 for a tow truck to pull it out. I was at the Connecticut Valley Fair recruiting foster parents at our agency's booth from 6-10pm. First, Downpour. Me - in a dress. Two mud-splattered young men tried in vain to push me out. The only plus - I had on appropriate footwear! I now have "vermont shoes" AKA velcro strappy flat ECCO sandals that Amy helped me pick out in Montreal at the sidewalk sale when my feet were killing me from walking around in high heels on cobblestone roads. I refer to them as my "ugly" shoes or "vermont" shoes. So much for a clean car. The car was so muddy - the car wash guy wouldn't let me in. I had to go to self-spray place.
2. Quechee IS a destination for the rich and famous. While daddy was here, First Lady Laura Bush, 3 friends, and 16 secret service men descended on Quechee to lunch at Simon Pearce (a local glass blower's restaurant on the Ottauquechee River). Not while passing through, not while in VT to visit some other high end destination - JUST to come to Quechee. (Amy and I had dinner there while she was here and it really is lovely!) Our second famous visitor last month was Tyra Banks! After Laura Bush came through, Tyra came to Quechee and had dinner at Simon Pearce! Tyra is the host of America's Next Top Model and has her own daytime talk show. So how diverse is that!?!?!
3. Criter Update: Saw a fox. Driving in to work along the river one morning,a small, long, lean brown fox jumped in front of the car and ran across the road. Then, of course, I read an article in the local paper about a young girl who got bit by a rabid fox. They go after small children. I need to stand taller and wear more heels. sigh...
So til next time -
Love,
Marilee
Sunday, June 22, 2008
Dad is enroute back to MI
Hey ya'll,
My dad just left. We had a great time. Went to Maine and stayed on the beach. Ate lots of seafood. Explored Kennebunkport, Bailey's Island, lots of interesting areas.
Two other friends arrive Tuesday so I can't chat long but just wanted to let people know I'm alive and doing well.
Love ya,
Marilee
My dad just left. We had a great time. Went to Maine and stayed on the beach. Ate lots of seafood. Explored Kennebunkport, Bailey's Island, lots of interesting areas.
Two other friends arrive Tuesday so I can't chat long but just wanted to let people know I'm alive and doing well.
Love ya,
Marilee
Saturday, June 14, 2008
Dad is IN VT!
Hey ya'll,
Daddy has arrived. He drove straight thru on Thurs and got he just before 9pm.Yesterday I took the pm off and we went for a 1.1 mile hike on the Long Trail in the Green Mountains. It's been a long time since I've done any of that. Lesson # 2,465- ralph lauren flip flops are not the best footwear for hiking thru mountainous forest. He, of course, had on proper footwear. Didn't see any bears or mtn lions, but don't see myself just wandering off to do that anytime alone. I got a state park punch card tho so we can get up to 8 more people in for the day this year (unless daddy and I go again, then only 6 people can go).
After our hike, I grilled portabella mushrooms, sweet onion k-bobs, and we had some wine while watching the initial launch of the hot air balloons for the balloon fest. They launch at 6am and pm all weekend long. Only 5 or so went up last night so it wasn't all that gripping- but maybe more will go up today.
Here's a thought- why would a state park list trail durations that take months? Do people really hike for a month? The state park we went to had maps and durations for 5 trails in that section of the Green Mtn Nat'l Forest. One trail took 1.5 months!!! Another took 3-4 months! I was proud I did a 45 minute hike! I have a longggg way to go.
Speaking of which, VT date prospect #3 saw my pic and thought I was out of his league- too sophisticated. That's a new one- all footwear commentary aside, I would never describe myself that way. Sigh. Perhaps for dating in this particular region, I need a grubby, outdoorsy pic so that I don't seem like such a city-chick. Wait a minute, I AM a city chick!! Not a big-city chick, more like a mid-size-town-in-the-midwest-chick. Oh well, I'm just proud I ventured off my deck into the woods (albeit w/ my 6'3" dad) within 90 days of my arrival. I consider that to be substantial progress, even if my favorite flip flops are now encased in mud.
Next weekend daddy and I are going to the Maine shore. Then my friends Mary and Gayle arrive on the 24th1!!
Love ya,
Marilee
Daddy has arrived. He drove straight thru on Thurs and got he just before 9pm.Yesterday I took the pm off and we went for a 1.1 mile hike on the Long Trail in the Green Mountains. It's been a long time since I've done any of that. Lesson # 2,465- ralph lauren flip flops are not the best footwear for hiking thru mountainous forest. He, of course, had on proper footwear. Didn't see any bears or mtn lions, but don't see myself just wandering off to do that anytime alone. I got a state park punch card tho so we can get up to 8 more people in for the day this year (unless daddy and I go again, then only 6 people can go).
After our hike, I grilled portabella mushrooms, sweet onion k-bobs, and we had some wine while watching the initial launch of the hot air balloons for the balloon fest. They launch at 6am and pm all weekend long. Only 5 or so went up last night so it wasn't all that gripping- but maybe more will go up today.
Here's a thought- why would a state park list trail durations that take months? Do people really hike for a month? The state park we went to had maps and durations for 5 trails in that section of the Green Mtn Nat'l Forest. One trail took 1.5 months!!! Another took 3-4 months! I was proud I did a 45 minute hike! I have a longggg way to go.
Speaking of which, VT date prospect #3 saw my pic and thought I was out of his league- too sophisticated. That's a new one- all footwear commentary aside, I would never describe myself that way. Sigh. Perhaps for dating in this particular region, I need a grubby, outdoorsy pic so that I don't seem like such a city-chick. Wait a minute, I AM a city chick!! Not a big-city chick, more like a mid-size-town-in-the-midwest-chick. Oh well, I'm just proud I ventured off my deck into the woods (albeit w/ my 6'3" dad) within 90 days of my arrival. I consider that to be substantial progress, even if my favorite flip flops are now encased in mud.
Next weekend daddy and I are going to the Maine shore. Then my friends Mary and Gayle arrive on the 24th1!!
Love ya,
Marilee
Sunday, June 8, 2008
From my Blackberry
Not sure if this will work but am trying to post from my BB.
It's been a beautiful steamy weekend in VT. 90 degree days, lots of sunshine.
Saw some folks coming in to QueChee with a hot air balloon basket in the back of their truck. Next weekend is the big festival. My dad is coming in for it - yay!!
We have cable now- so am watching volcano with tommy lee jones for the 15th time. Ah, modern technology. How did I ever live here for 2 months without tv? I read a lot. Really enjoyed it, actually.
Still no bears. Whew! Had another date this week. New guy. We'll see.
Hope all is well in your world!!
Marilee
It's been a beautiful steamy weekend in VT. 90 degree days, lots of sunshine.
Saw some folks coming in to QueChee with a hot air balloon basket in the back of their truck. Next weekend is the big festival. My dad is coming in for it - yay!!
We have cable now- so am watching volcano with tommy lee jones for the 15th time. Ah, modern technology. How did I ever live here for 2 months without tv? I read a lot. Really enjoyed it, actually.
Still no bears. Whew! Had another date this week. New guy. We'll see.
Hope all is well in your world!!
Marilee
Saturday, May 31, 2008
Size of Bugs and Dating
OK - so it's beena while since I commented on my interface with the critter world here. Several discoveries over the last couple of weeks, 2 of which are noteworthy:
1. Bugs here, like squirrels and roadkill, are substantially larger than I have experienced. Now that the weather is nice, I spend a fair amount of evening time on the deck off of my bedroom reading, surfing the net on my blackberry, or chatting on the phone. The deck is open to the forest on two sides but has a sizable hedge on one side. And that hedge is VERY popular with bees (daytime)and large cinnamon-hued flying beetles that prefer the evening. Would that I had landscaping authority in this rental, I'd be choppin' that hedge down so fast because A. It obscures my view of the valley, yard, etc; and B. Bees LUV to swarm in, around, and through it's branches. Thus far, the bees, which appear to be big fat bumble-bee types, have left me alone but I'm pretty intentional about not wearing yellow when I'm laying out. Now the cinnamon-hued flying beetles are another thing - at dusk, they become quite the distraction because of their sheer size and the volume of their buzzing. So I've taken to crushing them against the screen,f loor, and exterior house wall with my Ralph Lauren flipflops. I need to buy a fly swatter. So, this means if I don't sweep my deck at least once a week, I'm walking across the broken bodies of numerous hardshelled bugs to reach my chaise lounge. Yes, very reminiscent of one of the older Indiana Jones movies where you hear the crunch as they walk across scorpions in some cave. But I'd rather have them underfoot and mangled than intact and disrupting my peace. And, when I'm lying in bed reading late at night - they see the light thru the cracks in the drapes and dive bomb the windows - no kidding. Thwack, thwack, thwack - for HOURS... Not very smart beetles.
2. Critter Comment #2: Old Orchard Beach, ME has dog-free streets most of the day! So last weekend, while tromping around Maine, I couldn't figure out why it "felt" different than Vermont (besides the whole seashore, blueberry, lobster thing). And that's it! Here, people bring their dogs to AA meetings, dogs to work, dogs to the post office. Every time you turn around, someone's unleashed dog is licking my open toed shoe. Isn't it quite the midlife crisis that I, of all people, ended up living in (and loving) a state which has a population smaller than the city of GR (let alone the metropolitan area of GR), has bears, has no Target store or Macys, and is apparently dog-lover capital of the nation? Sigh...
So now for the juicy stuff... (for all of you that rapidly scrolled past the "Critter report" to get down here to the good stuff). Had a date today. We went to the Canoe Club in Hanover for lunch (Equal in status to Cygnus in GR, but more small town-y in atmosphere). And it went ok - but it was a whole lotta work. No sparks, but nothing majorly horrible. Reminded me of why I am not a more active dater. And he was the best of the prospects that I have "perused" thus far. Five to ten years ago, I may have been more tempted or interested in his type (professionally successful and driven, in sales, makes a point of telling me he has a large flat screen HD tv, lets his 10 year old son watch "Gladiator"), but post-30-something - I'm just lookin' for a whole different kind of thing. But in the words of 99% of the single girls in my life, at least I "got out there."
So, work is fine! Spent 2 days in New Haven at Team Leader meetings (a bi-annual event, apparently). Met lots of people. Connected the most with the women of color with the urban areas. Met one colleague I really liked to invited her to come to VT sometime. Oh, and I'm going to be on a community panel re: racism on June 10. My company co-sponsored development of a film/documentary about issues related to race and family in Vermont. So I have my first community speaking gig.
So that's about it! Hope all is well with you. Keep in touch.
Marilee
1. Bugs here, like squirrels and roadkill, are substantially larger than I have experienced. Now that the weather is nice, I spend a fair amount of evening time on the deck off of my bedroom reading, surfing the net on my blackberry, or chatting on the phone. The deck is open to the forest on two sides but has a sizable hedge on one side. And that hedge is VERY popular with bees (daytime)and large cinnamon-hued flying beetles that prefer the evening. Would that I had landscaping authority in this rental, I'd be choppin' that hedge down so fast because A. It obscures my view of the valley, yard, etc; and B. Bees LUV to swarm in, around, and through it's branches. Thus far, the bees, which appear to be big fat bumble-bee types, have left me alone but I'm pretty intentional about not wearing yellow when I'm laying out. Now the cinnamon-hued flying beetles are another thing - at dusk, they become quite the distraction because of their sheer size and the volume of their buzzing. So I've taken to crushing them against the screen,f loor, and exterior house wall with my Ralph Lauren flipflops. I need to buy a fly swatter. So, this means if I don't sweep my deck at least once a week, I'm walking across the broken bodies of numerous hardshelled bugs to reach my chaise lounge. Yes, very reminiscent of one of the older Indiana Jones movies where you hear the crunch as they walk across scorpions in some cave. But I'd rather have them underfoot and mangled than intact and disrupting my peace. And, when I'm lying in bed reading late at night - they see the light thru the cracks in the drapes and dive bomb the windows - no kidding. Thwack, thwack, thwack - for HOURS... Not very smart beetles.
2. Critter Comment #2: Old Orchard Beach, ME has dog-free streets most of the day! So last weekend, while tromping around Maine, I couldn't figure out why it "felt" different than Vermont (besides the whole seashore, blueberry, lobster thing). And that's it! Here, people bring their dogs to AA meetings, dogs to work, dogs to the post office. Every time you turn around, someone's unleashed dog is licking my open toed shoe. Isn't it quite the midlife crisis that I, of all people, ended up living in (and loving) a state which has a population smaller than the city of GR (let alone the metropolitan area of GR), has bears, has no Target store or Macys, and is apparently dog-lover capital of the nation? Sigh...
So now for the juicy stuff... (for all of you that rapidly scrolled past the "Critter report" to get down here to the good stuff). Had a date today. We went to the Canoe Club in Hanover for lunch (Equal in status to Cygnus in GR, but more small town-y in atmosphere). And it went ok - but it was a whole lotta work. No sparks, but nothing majorly horrible. Reminded me of why I am not a more active dater. And he was the best of the prospects that I have "perused" thus far. Five to ten years ago, I may have been more tempted or interested in his type (professionally successful and driven, in sales, makes a point of telling me he has a large flat screen HD tv, lets his 10 year old son watch "Gladiator"), but post-30-something - I'm just lookin' for a whole different kind of thing. But in the words of 99% of the single girls in my life, at least I "got out there."
So, work is fine! Spent 2 days in New Haven at Team Leader meetings (a bi-annual event, apparently). Met lots of people. Connected the most with the women of color with the urban areas. Met one colleague I really liked to invited her to come to VT sometime. Oh, and I'm going to be on a community panel re: racism on June 10. My company co-sponsored development of a film/documentary about issues related to race and family in Vermont. So I have my first community speaking gig.
So that's about it! Hope all is well with you. Keep in touch.
Marilee
Sunday, May 25, 2008
Hola from Maine!
Last Thursday, I read about some great little inns in the Boston Globe Travel Section - so decided to take a last minute trip to the southern shores of Maine for the holiday weekend. Because of gas prices and the economy, several places were offering deals. The one I utlimately chose is the Sea Cliff Motel, which offered an oceanview, HBO, a year round hot tub, and private balcony all for less than $90.00 a night. So here I am in Old Orchard Beach, Maine, which has 7 miles of sandy beaches, just north of Kennebunkport and just south of Portland.
When I arrived on Friday ngiht, I was alittle skeptical about the resort (and town) at first. My room had the "kitschy" feel - peach sponge painted walls, older-style linens, narrow, rickety outdoor wooden stairs up to it on the side of the building. The town has an amusement park right on the beach, lots of tee-shirt stores and tattoo parlors. But, I thought, sigh, you get what you pay for. So I headed to town in search of a martini and some seafood. Found a great spot on the beach - and had a yummy dinner of scallops and coleslaw. When I got back to my room and settled in a bit - it had grown on me. While small and having the atmosphere of a 3rd floor dormer of a large house, I in fact have a GREAT view of the ocean - which I can see while lying in my bed. There are no other rooms on the top floor so I don't have "neighbors" and kind of have my own private little, oddly shaped nest with a great view of the dune grass, shore, and islands off in a distance. So it's ok now!
Saturday I rose early and took off to explore. Went to Kennebunk port and had breakfast on the water at the mouth of the river at the Breakwater Inn and Spa. Lovely. All the lobster boats were going out, it's a beautiful restaurant, and I was surrounded by several "mature" couples (men dressed for the holiday in blue blazers and khaki pants - on Saturday). I was hoping to eavesdrop on some fabulous political dish - but didn't really hear any. Kennebunkport is nice. I don't know that I like it better than Cape Ann. But it is pretty. So browsing through the little towns all day was fun. Had a lovely broiled haddock (with cracker crumb and dill crust) lunch in Ogunquit - which IS fabulous - lots of little shops, well laid out, oozing charm and character. The day was fairly overcast and off and on rainy so I wasn't in a rush to head back for beach time. Around 3pm it really started rainy and it just so happened I came upon a cinema in Wells, ME so pulled in a had only a 15 minute wait til the new Indiana Jones movie was showing. So caught the show (not bad, not great) and then grabbed groceries and headed back to Old Orchard Beach. Not having figured out the cable/satellite thing at the house yet, we are sans tv except for video rentals. So it was a real treat to lounge around and have 100 channels at my disposal.
This morning I rose at 5:00am in order to see the sunrise (yes, it had already started by 5am). Had a quiet couple of hours drinking coffee on my balcony and watching the sunrise. It's breezy today - but clear skies and supposed to be a high of 75. I think I actually got a little sunburned on my face from a few hours sitting there from 5am-8am! So today will be a beach day and then tomorrow I will grab a few hours in the morning as well before heading back to Vermont.
Hope you all are having a relaxing holiday weekend! Would love to hear from you.
Love,
Marilee
When I arrived on Friday ngiht, I was alittle skeptical about the resort (and town) at first. My room had the "kitschy" feel - peach sponge painted walls, older-style linens, narrow, rickety outdoor wooden stairs up to it on the side of the building. The town has an amusement park right on the beach, lots of tee-shirt stores and tattoo parlors. But, I thought, sigh, you get what you pay for. So I headed to town in search of a martini and some seafood. Found a great spot on the beach - and had a yummy dinner of scallops and coleslaw. When I got back to my room and settled in a bit - it had grown on me. While small and having the atmosphere of a 3rd floor dormer of a large house, I in fact have a GREAT view of the ocean - which I can see while lying in my bed. There are no other rooms on the top floor so I don't have "neighbors" and kind of have my own private little, oddly shaped nest with a great view of the dune grass, shore, and islands off in a distance. So it's ok now!
Saturday I rose early and took off to explore. Went to Kennebunk port and had breakfast on the water at the mouth of the river at the Breakwater Inn and Spa. Lovely. All the lobster boats were going out, it's a beautiful restaurant, and I was surrounded by several "mature" couples (men dressed for the holiday in blue blazers and khaki pants - on Saturday). I was hoping to eavesdrop on some fabulous political dish - but didn't really hear any. Kennebunkport is nice. I don't know that I like it better than Cape Ann. But it is pretty. So browsing through the little towns all day was fun. Had a lovely broiled haddock (with cracker crumb and dill crust) lunch in Ogunquit - which IS fabulous - lots of little shops, well laid out, oozing charm and character. The day was fairly overcast and off and on rainy so I wasn't in a rush to head back for beach time. Around 3pm it really started rainy and it just so happened I came upon a cinema in Wells, ME so pulled in a had only a 15 minute wait til the new Indiana Jones movie was showing. So caught the show (not bad, not great) and then grabbed groceries and headed back to Old Orchard Beach. Not having figured out the cable/satellite thing at the house yet, we are sans tv except for video rentals. So it was a real treat to lounge around and have 100 channels at my disposal.
This morning I rose at 5:00am in order to see the sunrise (yes, it had already started by 5am). Had a quiet couple of hours drinking coffee on my balcony and watching the sunrise. It's breezy today - but clear skies and supposed to be a high of 75. I think I actually got a little sunburned on my face from a few hours sitting there from 5am-8am! So today will be a beach day and then tomorrow I will grab a few hours in the morning as well before heading back to Vermont.
Hope you all are having a relaxing holiday weekend! Would love to hear from you.
Love,
Marilee
Saturday, May 17, 2008
On a sunny, 70 degree day in Vermont...
I'm impatient with myself that I have yet to really get out and explore the area sans the enclosure of my midsized, auto-locking doors, air-conditioned 4-door sedan. Yet all I can think of at this moment is the local newspaper article this week that said that a man in New Hampshire had a collision with a bear while driving his motorcycle on the highway. Just when I think I have mentally conquered this issue, some article like this sends me back to my city-girl-conditioned state of hyper-vigilance. So we'll see...
But I at least dressed for the occasion today. At my favorite coffee spot, the waitresses have started asking "Are you working today?" the last 3 Saturdays that I was in. So apparently, I'm over dressing. So today I put on un-ironed brown cargo pants (rolled up a neat 3 inches above my ankle), flat brown strappy sandals, layered tank tops, and a red sweatshirt (and of course, my fabulous, trendy blue/brown Belizean choker). They seemed relieved this morning to see that I have some "non-work" attire in my closet. My new favorite waitress there is Russian. Her husband is a glass blower at Simon Pearce in QueChee. They came to the States 3 years ago and live above the glassblowing studio in town. They have a 15 year old daughter. She seemed very happy to talk with me. She took the job to work on her english - and I told her she had great english skills. So we're bonded. I heard from my masseuse at the Stronghouse spa that the Russian masseuses in Boston are the BEST. Stronghouse is the eco-spa I have been frequenting because of trauma from pilates (2 sessions now, muscle trauma both times) and my inability to position my ergonomically-correct $1200 Herman Miller office work chair at a comfortable height for marathon online report reviewing and approving. I have had Belizean massages, Korean massages, Romanian massages, Japanese massages - but NOT Russian. I think I must try this...!
But otherwise, things are going well. I can't believe I'm at home for a 3rd weekend in a row. In GR, I usually would go away at least 1-2 weekends a month and here I am, spending a 3rd straight weekend in VT. I considered going away last weekend, but looking at rejuvenating, reachable-within-3-hours locales online, I realized that I didn't want to deal with traffic (which ruled out big cities and cape cod) and that actually, water-view aside, most people would be paying big bucks for my house and view (even tho the leaves on the trees obscure the valley view abit). So I stayed put and lounged on my deck in my chaise reading "The Love Bug and Other Tales of Psychotherapy" by Dan W. Briddell. Fascinating book. Now I'm reading Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist by Carl Whitaker. Equally fascinating. Both are books I picked up at the Dartmouth 5 colleges book sale a few weeks ago (annual event, all books under $4.00, I got 31 books for $39.00). Am trying to re-orient my mind to clinical work versus thinking-like-a-law-firm-recruiter.
So that's the news! Everyone have a great, great day and I'll chat with ya later.
Marilee
But I at least dressed for the occasion today. At my favorite coffee spot, the waitresses have started asking "Are you working today?" the last 3 Saturdays that I was in. So apparently, I'm over dressing. So today I put on un-ironed brown cargo pants (rolled up a neat 3 inches above my ankle), flat brown strappy sandals, layered tank tops, and a red sweatshirt (and of course, my fabulous, trendy blue/brown Belizean choker). They seemed relieved this morning to see that I have some "non-work" attire in my closet. My new favorite waitress there is Russian. Her husband is a glass blower at Simon Pearce in QueChee. They came to the States 3 years ago and live above the glassblowing studio in town. They have a 15 year old daughter. She seemed very happy to talk with me. She took the job to work on her english - and I told her she had great english skills. So we're bonded. I heard from my masseuse at the Stronghouse spa that the Russian masseuses in Boston are the BEST. Stronghouse is the eco-spa I have been frequenting because of trauma from pilates (2 sessions now, muscle trauma both times) and my inability to position my ergonomically-correct $1200 Herman Miller office work chair at a comfortable height for marathon online report reviewing and approving. I have had Belizean massages, Korean massages, Romanian massages, Japanese massages - but NOT Russian. I think I must try this...!
But otherwise, things are going well. I can't believe I'm at home for a 3rd weekend in a row. In GR, I usually would go away at least 1-2 weekends a month and here I am, spending a 3rd straight weekend in VT. I considered going away last weekend, but looking at rejuvenating, reachable-within-3-hours locales online, I realized that I didn't want to deal with traffic (which ruled out big cities and cape cod) and that actually, water-view aside, most people would be paying big bucks for my house and view (even tho the leaves on the trees obscure the valley view abit). So I stayed put and lounged on my deck in my chaise reading "The Love Bug and Other Tales of Psychotherapy" by Dan W. Briddell. Fascinating book. Now I'm reading Midnight Musings of a Family Therapist by Carl Whitaker. Equally fascinating. Both are books I picked up at the Dartmouth 5 colleges book sale a few weeks ago (annual event, all books under $4.00, I got 31 books for $39.00). Am trying to re-orient my mind to clinical work versus thinking-like-a-law-firm-recruiter.
So that's the news! Everyone have a great, great day and I'll chat with ya later.
Marilee
Sunday, May 4, 2008
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